Untitled Freewrite

(an unedited meditation on an anniversary of an end and a beginning, which will probably make sense to no one other than me)


On this day that made me a veteran
(one day too soon)
all those years ago,
this day that spawned a monster,
left me walking in the rain,
searching for my twin,
searching for the end
to the beginning of the end,
with only song lyrics and poetry
and blindness to guide me,
it's been 13 years
and for so long
the emptiness enclosed me,
enfolded me,
and I couldn't breathe
too deeply
for fear that I might find you there,
child of mine,
clinging tightly to my insides
and whispering,
"Mama, mama,
you are safe."