I don't know what to say here sometimes. So let's start with my immediate surroundings.
I use my laptop a lot in the kitchen. We have this big pull-out cutting board that makes a wonderful desk, and also a wonderful place for stacking various things like books and papers, storing toys and half-eaten food, and also does an amazing job at its intended use: cutting things. Often I am cutting oranges or strawberries right next to my beat up ol' Macbook and as a result there is food stuck all over it.
Anyway, next to me is that sink full of dirty dishes that you see in the photo above. I'm lazy and there are a million other things I would rather be doing than cleaning up that mess that's been sitting there since last night. I'm so lazy that I took that photo through Photobooth so I wouldn't have to pull out my camera, take the picture, find the cord to upload the picture to my computer, and post it here.
So let the record reflect that I am lazy, so lazy that the diapers that went through their final rinse this morning are still in the washer, waiting to be transferred to the dryer. It's the weekend. I've already done 10 loads of laundry this week, as well as 10 loads of dishes, if not more. I've put away countless clean items of clothing, swept the floor, wiped down the high chairs, and I'm just done. I hate all this maintenance. I would say it's pointless but I know it's not. The house needs to be somewhat clean so that we can all exist in harmony, and from time to time I do enjoy the act of cleaning. But you know what I enjoy more? The acts of reading, writing, listening to music, watching movies. And sleeping.
Nighttime sleep has been scarce around here this past week. I wish I could blame Simon, but the main culprit has been Charlie, who is going through some weird stage where he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night (not scared, just tantrums) or doesn't want to go to bed at all. There have been a lot of tears and not much sleep. But I've had a nap every single day this week, which is pretty damn rare. One nap is pretty much a miracle, but a whole week of them? Aces.
I am reading this right now.
This has been haunting me for the past few days.
I watched this and this recently and have this and this on deck.
I remain obsessed with this, this, and this.
There's been much on my mind lately. For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling so content, with not the words to describe why or how. But the happy have to fall, yes? Straight into a pit of darkness, which is what happened to me around 3:30 this morning. I feel like life would be so much easier if I wasn't so damn moody. In all reality I know I'm not all that moody, but I'd like to just stay one thing for longer sometimes.
(That's a plant we've got growing in our kitchen. That picture came out that way out of the camera and I think it's perfect. I've been more pleased with my pictures lately, perhaps because I'm becoming more forgiving of my lack of photographic skills. My mind has been elsewhere.)
I guess that's the thing, I've become more forgiving of myself in general. Until I fall into that pit of darkness, and then everything I do is wrong.
On that note, I need to go find my happy place. I'll be back sometime later.