First Rant of the New Year

I've become a bit of a birth junkie since Charlie was born. I actually care about home births and birth centers and VBACs and unmedicated childbirth now. I do subscribe to a few birth blogs and follow some other birth junkies on Twitter, and most of the time I appreciate what they have to say.

The past couple of days, however, I've seen some really ridiculous (and even hateful) things floating around.

First of all, there was a discussion about bottle feeding in a Zales commercial. A blogger was/is upset with the fact that the baby is being bottle fed in the commercial and thought that it'd be a good idea to let Zales know about it.

My initial response to this was, "Really? Seriously?"

And it still is, kind of.

I do understand where she's coming from. Bottle feeding is being passed off as the thing to do for babies, but breast feeding will always be the absolute best way to feed your baby. There's no arguing with that.

I also understand that commercials like this may make it even more difficult for breast feeding to be accepted as a natural and non-sexual thing to do.

However, as a mother who formula feeds her baby (and yes, suffers immense amounts of guilt over it), I feel personally attacked by such a strong stance against bottle feeding. Choosing to give up pumping and breast feeding was so, so hard for me, but ultimately it ended up being the best thing for our family at that time. I feel guilty about formula feeding every single day because I know that it is in fact inferior to breast milk.

However, we had good reasons for switching over entirely to formula, and that is not something I should feel guilty about. I've learned from this experience and am planning to breast feed whatever other children we may have. I think breast feeding is a wonderful thing, and it'll probably always sting a little that I wasn't able to nurse Charlie. And stuff like this does not help.

Mothers need support to succeed at breast feeding, not judgment. I so just want people to leave their rhetoric at the door and focus on ways to help mothers breast feed their children (if that's what the mothers want).

(You can see the Zales commercial in question here.)

And now, for the mega-offensive blog post.

Long story short: A baby died after his father propped a bottle on his chest. The father accidentally fell asleep, and the baby choked on the formula. Very, very tragic. And you can bet that the father will never forgive himself for what happened.

I guess some people think that in a situation like this, it's okay to say: "Breastfeeding saves lives. I am very sad for this family and for the loss of their baby. Those who argue that formula kills babies are wrong, though. If this baby had been breastfed, he would be alive today." That second-to-last confusing sentence aside, I think what this person is saying is fucking appalling. Way to take a tragedy and use it to the advantage of her agenda. It's pretty similar to what Jerry Falwell said after 9/11. These parents just lost their child, and all this person has to say is "Oops! Shoulda breastfed your baby! He'd still be alive if you'd done that." That is just mean and hateful.

I am so sick of all this breast feeding vs. formula feeding stuff. I'm bound to run into it often being as other birth junkies are passionate on this subject. (I am, too, but I'm passionate about not making mothers feel bad about choices they make. I mean, being a parent is hard enough as it is!) I think it's safe to say that most parents make decisions that they feel are best for their family. Why people feel the need to constantly berate others for making different parenting choices is beyond me.

And now, the obligatory cry of desperation: "Why can't we all just get along?"

Tuesday TV Rant

This morning I realized something that I hadn't realized before.

I hate One Tree Hill. It makes me want to repeatedly pound my head against the wall. And then watch another episode of the show. I just can't. stop. watching.

One Tree Hill, when it comes down to it, makes me feel like shit about myself. Every single one of the characters is gorgeous. At 22 years old or so, Brooke has her own fashion line, Peyton has her own recording studio. Nathan has a basketball career, and Lucas has written and published two well-known novels. Nathan and Haley have, like, the best marriage ever with the cutest kid ever. I want to barf, seriously, every time I watch the show. Because I'm going to be 30 in less than a month, and I don't nearly have the resources or money that they do. Or the good hair and skin. Or the fashion sense. Or the ability to cheat on my partner and then be BFFs with him in the next episode. Damn, I suck.

The latest thing that has me completely and utterly pissed about this show is that Peyton is pregnant. Yay, right? Oh, no. Of course she has a terrible affliction that may kill her - and possibly the baby, too. What is this mysterious condition? Why, it's placenta previa!

(If you don't know what placenta previa is, please click on the link I've provided above. And you'll see how terribly life-threatening it is, oh em gee! On opposite day.)

Don't get me wrong - placenta previa is a valid condition, but it tends to resolve itself throughout one's pregnancy. I can't believe they picked placenta previa as the awful, horrible disease that is almost certain to kill Peyton - but wait! Peyton can't die! She is entirely too beautiful and special and strong to succumb to such trials in her pregnancy. However, the writers of the show will do anything to make us believe that she's going to die.

I hate feeling so manipulated.

I realize that even the best TV shows and movies and books and works of art are manipulative at their core; they are designed to make us feel something and blah blah blah. Everyone loves good drama, and I sure as hell am no exception. But why does One Tree Hill have to insult my intelligence so much? Did they think that any member of their audience would not know what placenta previa is? Do they really expect me to believe that Peyton's pregnancy's air time has been like one quarter of my pregnancy and yet she is closer to delivering her baby than I am?

Sadly, One Tree Hill is not the only show that is guilty of this. I'm beginning to loathe Grey's Anatomy. I am so tired of Merideth's voiceovers at the beginning and end of every episode. I'm sick of the outrageous medical cases. I'm sick of the drama. I want some good characters, not some retarded caricatures. (Disclaimer: I'm only on season four of Grey's Anatomy, so I guess all these things could have changed in the current season.)

With all the crappy movies that come out these days, it's great that there's so much good television out there - but I think that we need more shows like Six Feet Under that focus on real life and real people. That show was gritty and hard in a way that could never be softened by a mere voiceover at the end of the episode. I want more of that, dammit! (Or of shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Lost, which may not be based in reality but are still awesome.)

So there you go - my Tuesday TV rant. And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch some quality TV - Beverly Hills 90210, to be exact.

And it breaks my heart...

I haven't posted anything political in awhile. But this video is worth watching. You can go here to make your voice be heard on this issue.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Creative people annoy me.

This is a companion post to this ramble.

Okay, so. I am a creative person. I love the arts. I love reading, writing, photography, art, music, etc. I even love participating in the aforementioned activities. I would even go as far to say as without an artistic outlet, I would probably go insane.

I have to be honest, though. Most creative people annoy me. By "creative people," I mean people who have worked really hard to build up their image as "artists" and continually refer to themselves as "artists." Seriously, they make me want to puke.

These people usually have gigantic, fragile egos. They can't take criticism. They think everything they produce has been handed down by some divine being, and thus they never see the need to revise or edit or change what they originally wrote/painted/etc. If someone doesn't "get" their work, then that person must be stupid.

I have never really enjoyed spending time with these kinds of people, because they come across as being fake and insincere. Yes, I am a creative person, but I am truly interested in becoming better in my creative endeavors, not just getting praise for each and every thing I produce. And I will freely admit that most poems I've written and most photographs I've taken really suck. Every once in awhile, I get something good.

This is why I never was really interested in pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing. While the thought of being around so many other people who love writing as much as I do really excites me, I am so cynical about these programs. I don't like being around people who think that they are better than everyone else because they are "artists." I like people who are down-to-earth, who realize that no matter how many publications you have, no matter how many awards you win, you're still just a person.

I called this a companion to this post, because the point that I was trying to make in that last entry is what I'm talking about in this one. I am bowled over by the amount of bloggers who have the same voice. I happen to love my blog readers/commenters because each and every one of you is different, and I can tell it's you by the way you write and the things you say. To me, having something original to say is profound - I don't care how whiny you think it is. (Many of you said you feel like you whine a lot on your blogs.) Of course we are all going to censor ourselves to a certain degree. I don't mind getting intensely personal on my blog, but there are some things I am just not going to talk about on here. I certainly can't really blame others for wanting to protect themselves.

I guess I just want more from people sometimes. More of who they are and less of the cultivated artist persona they have created for themselves - but it is probably more apt to say that these personas are created mostly for the world to see. I am so much more interested in ordinary people as they go about their daily lives than I am in people who live in some kind of fantasy land where everything is bee-yoo-tee-ful and where every single piece of "art" they produce is the shit. This is probably why I don't have many (or any?) "creative" friends, though I would argue that everyone is creative in some way.

I really loved your comments and thoughts on my last little ramble, so feel free to tell me how you feel about this subject as well, if anything.

Things I Love This Week (and Bonus: A Small Rant)

Being as I've been out of commission for the last couple of days, I've had some time to get reacquainted with some cool things out there.

1) Dollhouse, the latest small-screen effort by the awesome Joss Whedon. Several episodes are available for viewing on hulu, or you can just tune in on Friday nights. I am officially hooked.

2) Vintage Kids' Books My Kid Loves, a blog dedicated to... you guessed it, vintage kids' books! The author of this blog hosts a book giveaway every Monday and sells her vintage finds in her etsy shop. Love this blog.

3) I actually got a cool toy in my Del Taco kid meal. Witnesseth:



In other news, I decided to delete my MySpace and facebook profiles. I rarely use either site. I add people as friends or they add me and then we never talk through either site, so it just feels pointless to me. I don't like getting glittery pictures for comments (because then I feel obligated to post a glittery picture back), and I guess I really don't understand the whole writing on someone else's wall thing. I'd rather read blogs or write emails or something like that.

I think I've come to see these social networking sites similarly to the way I see email forwards: as an annoyance. I don't care about glittery comments, I don't care about how many "friends" I have, and I can't be bothered with being tagged or poked or hugged or whatever. Send me an email or call me - don't tag or poke me or send me some retarded forward. Doing those things does not qualify as "keeping in touch."

(Please note that if you have ever done any of the things that I'm ranting about, it does not mean that I hate you and want you to die a horrible, painful death. It just means that I'd rather hear how you are doing as opposed to reading a stupid forward about how I need to pass it on in the next seven seconds or else the world will surely end.)

So that's what I've got for tonight. I've spent the majority of the last two days in bed, and I am *gasp* actually ready to return to work tomorrow. I read this book in less than an hour tonight, and let's just say that some things we left behind as children should not be revisited as adults - unless you want to devote an entire blog to making fun of them, which to me is completely admirable and totally understandable.

I have a dream.

"We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."

-MLK, Jr.-



I read MLK Jr.'s famous "I have a dream" speech this morning. Considering all that has happened in relation to Prop 8, I consider this speech to be particularly applicable to our time. I don't suppose there's ever an end to social injustice and inequality, but it sure is nice to dream about, isn't it?

Yesterday I had a casual conversation with a lesbian couple I know. After much deliberation about where to spend their lives, they decided to stay right here, at least for awhile.

"After all, "said my friend L, "California is probably the best place for domestic partnerships."

That simple sentence struck me pretty deeply, as I realized that these two, like so many, are limited to where they can go because of their sexual orientation. This is something Roy and I have never had to discuss; it's just never been a consideration for us since we're on the "right side of normal."

It saddens me that people can't live where they want to for fear of having what little rights they have taken away. What saddens and angers me even more is that there will always be people who will be okay with denying others their rights.

My thoughts today are for the future. For tolerance. For possibility. For acceptance. For justice.

But even when these things are nowhere to be seen, we still have our dreams.

(Thanks, MLK Jr.)

I'm Over It.

These are the things that currently annoy the crap out of me. Hoofrickinray.

1) Trash the Dress! Up until about a month after our wedding, I wanted to take some cool trash-the-dress pictures. And then I realized that as much as I love my wedding dress, I really had no desire to put it on again. I really couldn't care less about the trash-the-dress trend anymore. It's become the new thing to do and will soon take over the wedding world, kind of like engagement pictures on the beach, which are also so last season. I think I would like it more if I saw more innovative photographers and more brides willing to actually trash their dress. Instead, I see brides standing in the middle of a field or waist deep in the ocean, usually in a dress they bought just for the shoot. Boring and pointless.

2) Skinny jeans. Maybe it's not skinny jeans that are so awful, but since I usually see them paired with flats and/or some shirt that resembles a hot air balloon, I tend to think that they are horrific.

3) SUVs. It's not very responsible to be an SUV owner, in my opinion, unless you have a lifestyle that demands one.

4) Academic-ese. I start gnawing on my arm when I hear the words "Aristotlean," "Wordsworthian," and "deconstruction." I'm convinced that a text doesn't have to be unreadable to make an impact.

5) Wedding photography. I subscribe to tons of wedding photography blogs, and there are a select few that actually stand out. Yes, wedding photography is much more artsy and interesting these days, but taking a picture of a bride's dress doesn't necessarily equal innovative or good photojournalistic photography.

6) The Twilight series. I don't understand the big fuss about these books. The protagonist is yet another weak female (as if we needed another of those!), the "love" between the 2 leading characters is based entirely on the physical, and the writing is annoyingly repetitive.

7) The trainwreck that is Britney Spears.

8) Emails about God, angels, or friendship. Here is one of the most stupid ones I have received (picture included): Forward this message the same day you received it
It may sound ridiculous, but it is right on time
We believe that something is about to happen. Angels exist, only sometimes they haven't got wings and we call them friends; you are one of them
Something wonderful is about to happen to you and your friends.
Tomorrow at 6:33 pm somebody will address you and tell you something you have been waiting to hear.Send it to at least 7 of your friends.
I left the (God-awful, no pun intended) punctuation the same, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I sat around and waited until 6:33 to see if my secret dream was going to come true. Still waiting.

9) Slip-on sneakers. I wore these in the 80s. Some things really shouldn't make a comeback. And speaking of shoes, there are some that just shouldn't exist - like Crocs.

10) Logos. Why, oh why, would I spend a good amount of money on something like a Coach bag that looks like their logo threw up on it? I'm going to pay $300 to advertise for a multi-million dollar company? I don't think so!

It's Blog Action Day!

Today is Blog Action Day, where bloggers devote a blog entry to environmental issues. In honor of the occasion, I'd like to talk about recycling, which is one of the easiest ways to help with our declining environment.

I am a huge fan of recycling; I'm actually pretty obsessive about it (there's a shock). In addition to the extra recycling trash can that we have in our kitchen at home, I also have a recycling bag in my office at work. At the end of the week, I take home my recyclables and deposit them in our recycling bins. I hear from people all the time many excuses as to why they can't or won't recycle. One of the most ridiculous ones is that their apartment complex doesn't provide recycling bins (which they should, by the way). I understand that it's not exactly convenient to take your recyclables to a recycling center, but I think it's worth the small amount of extra gas and time that it takes to do so. I know from first hand experience: I too used to live in an apartment complex that didn't provide recycling bins. Guess what? I still recycled!

Recycling can help with the looming global warming issue. Yes, it is an issue. I'd like to urge the few readers that I have to watch An Inconvenient Truth if you haven't already. It's an awesome film. I even wrote a (probably boring) paper on it last year.

Happy Blog Action Day, everyone!

Just do it.

By way of a poster on the Knot, I learned of a blog called Que Sarah, Sarah. It was an extremely heartfelt and detailed account of a young woman's battle with melanoma, which she ultimately lost. From Sarah's blog, I was linked to several other blogs and learned of so many sad stories of people lost to this horrible disease. Currently I am following several blogs written by the spouses of others suffering from melanoma. Daily they break my heart, because all of them seem to be slipping away. You may be asking why I'm following these stories. Well, I feel compelled to listen and to be educated about this horrible disease. So many lost voices have been unheard because melanoma is not a big part of our consciousness or awareness. From what I've read, it should be taken much more seriously, because melanoma is extremely aggressive. If left untreated, it will kill you.

I'm asking you, whatever small audience I may have, to please wear sunscreen. I don't care how dark you may be. (After all, Bob Marley died of metastatic melanoma.) Not only that, tell your family and friends to wear sunscreen too. Slather it on your kids as well. If you use a tanning bed, stop. Get a spray tan instead. It could save your life. Also, go see a dermatologist and have them do a full-body check to make sure that your moles are typical. This isn't rhetoric. It's true. Too much exposure to the sun and UV rays can kill you.

If you don't believe me, then read the stories of some fallen warriors: teb, Heather, and Shannon.

Now, read the stories of those who are currently in the fight for their lives: Bryce, Mike, and Keith.

Roy and I have an appointment with our new dermatologist at the beginning of October to get checked out. I've never been to the dermatologist in my life because I never saw the need for it. However, now I do. We are both fair-skinned and have had sunburns in the past, both of which increase the risk for skin cancer. (I've had several very bad sunburns.) Hopefully, everything will be fine. I am thankful to have learned more about this disease, because, let's face it, I am a prime candidate for it.

So, yeah. Wear sunscreen. Go see a dermatologist. Watch your moles and freckles. Just do it. If not for you, then do it for those who have suffered because they (sadly and unfortunately) didn't know better.

Life's too short.

It would take awhile to explain how I ended up reading this blog, and how I came to be "acquainted" with this brave man (Bryce) and his family is irrelevant compared to the grim reality that he is fighting for his life against metastatic melanoma. I check Bryce's blog every day to keep myself updated on his illness, and I am continually amazed by the fighting spirit of both him and his wife Tammy. There are some truly amazing people to be found in this world.

I don't understand why people have chosen the comment feature of Bryce's blog to argue against Tammy and Bryce's decision to continue to fight the melanoma that is taking over Bryce's body. Furthermore, I don't understand why people use Bryce's illness to debate religious beliefs. Who cares if they are Mormon, Christian, Agnostic, or Buddhist? Why does it matter? There is a man who is fighting for his life. And there are many paths up the same mountain. Why do we continue to divide ourselves in a time when we should unite to show our support? I have never understood people's desire to point fingers or to claim their own religion as "the one true religion."

We all die, and if that is how Bryce's blog ends, then we should allow him to die with dignity. In the meantime, we should offer hope and support instead of judgment. I, for one, am wishing Bryce the best health possible and all the happiness this world has to offer.

Charlatans and the Mob Mentality

Why do we need someone to tell us how we feel? Why do people fall for a leader's ideals instead of forming their own? Does it take a certain personality to engage in groupthink, or are we all susceptible to it?

Should Susan Atkins, one of most ruthless of the Manson family, get out of prison? She is supposedly a born again Christian. Does that matter? Has she exchanged one type of mob mentality for another? In other words, does she really consider herself a Christian, or did she get sucked in and brainwashed like she did as a member of the Manson family?

In no way do I mean to suggest that Christianity is the same thing as the fucked-upedness that is the Manson family. But you have to wonder.

Right?

Indifference

It's been said that indifference is worse than hatred. I tend to agree.

But indifference can be approached another way. Indifference can be used to describe the zen-like state of egolessness. Egolessness - is that even a word?

We, as humans, tend to care too much or not at all. This is such polarizing behavior that it is possibly damaging to us. If we were to try to change and become more (positively) indifferent, would it be a good thing? Or would we be going against our true nature?

It's hard to say. We can't divorce ourselves from our culture. To pretend that we are actually individuals is perpetuating a myth.

Good riddance, Rev. Falwell!

I suppose this is very un-PC of me, but I'm glad that Jerry Falwell has left this life and probably moved on to the fiery pits of hell. Actually, I don't really believe in hell, but if there is one, I think he's probably there.