30 Days of Happiness, Day 23: The Way He Laughs, This Moment

It's no secret that I am nutso in love with my husband. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you've probably heard me confess my love thousands of times. It's a little something I like to do.

For us, marriage has always been pretty easy. Sure, we've had our disagreements and irritations and things of that nature, but on the whole, we have always been really damn solid. We love each other truly, madly, deeply, and all those other "ly" words. Our relationship has never felt like work. It's never been like, "damn, I gotta hang out with you?". Being together is just something we've always wanted.

Marriage isn't quite so easy with a baby in the house. Charlie, like all other babies, requires so much time and attention that by the end of the day, both of us are pretty worn out. We don't have a lot left after Charlie's gone to bed. But we still try to keep the love alive amongst all the dirty bottles and burp cloths.

One thing we do is try to have a date night once a month. When we do this, we usually stick with the ol' dinner and a movie, but it is surprisingly rejuvenating. Another thing we've started doing is watching some TV or a movie together after we've put Charlie down for the night. It's not always easy to make it through anything because of Charlie's constant night waking, but still, we are making the effort to just be together, just us, on the couch at night for at least an hour or so. Kind of like the way we were before Charlie was born, only so not the way we were before Charlie was born.

Everything is totally different now. And sometimes I miss our life the way it was. I never regret bringing Charlie into our lives, but I will say that marriage without a kid was easier. However, the things that are most worth it in life usually aren't easy.

Do I sound preachy? I don't know, I guess what happened is that I heard Roy laugh the other night when we were watching Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the the Were-Rabbit, and I was bowled over by the sound of it. I have always loved the way Roy laughs; it was nice to really hear it again. (Not that he hasn't been laughing, but because I've been in such a fog.) It's one of those little things that reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place.

This morning I thought of the day Charlie was born and everything we went through to bring him into the world. That day was made up of a long series of some of my weakest and most vulnerable moments in the last ten years or so. The one person who stayed by my side through it all was Roy. He is the only reason I made it through that terrible ordeal. He was able to be strong for me when I couldn't be strong for myself. That, my friends, is love.

I am a lucky, lucky woman. I have a man who loves me and our son and our cats and our life. Who is my rock and my best friend. Who makes me want to be a better person. Who laughs and makes me fall in love with him all over again.

My pledge is to remember that long before there was Charlie, there was us. There was him, so unassuming and stoic and strong. There was me, so in love with him, writing this poem feverishly because I knew that I had found the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

This Moment


In the blue shadows
of my room,
I woke to find you
next to me,
breathing evenly,
warm as gold.

I held you
and heard the rain
falling outside.

How fleeting it all is.
The early morning
will disappear with the sun;
the rain will shrink
back into clouds.

What remains is love.
The smoothness of your back,
the sleepy grasp of your hands,
your blue eyes reflecting oblivion.

I lie still, unable to breathe,
afraid to lose it all—
early morning, rain,
this moment,
you.


4-28-05



I love you, behbehs.

These Happy Golden Years*

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.**


And so this is love:

Its inception,





Its promise,





Its vows,





Its commitment,





Its life,





Its realization.





Now my heart is full.***

I am more in love with you now than I have ever been. You are all I ever could have hoped for in a partner. Thank you for loving me and our son so completely and selflessly.

Happy second wedding anniversary, my heart. You make me so incredibly happy.

-----------------

* - Laura Ingalls Wilder
** - Pablo Neruda
*** - Morrissey

The Other Shoe

Lately I've been thinking about cycles.

In my family, there's a history of fatherless children. My mom's dad died when she was two, and my dad became severely unable to be a father when I was three. My dad's father died when he was in his early 20s.

This means that not only did/do I not have a satisfactory relationship with my own father, I also had a non-existent relationship with each of my grandfathers since they had both passed away long before I was born.

The only real strong male figures in my life growing up were my brother and my uncle Charles. And when I say "only," I don't mean that in a negative way, only in a way meant to illustrate that there was an absence in my life growing up where a dad should be. I don't blame my dad; his condition is not his fault. It's circumstances, really.

As a result (and with a lot of work), I have grown up to be quite the independent woman. I know how to take care of myself, and I know I don't need a man to define me. So far it appears that I've beaten the odds. I am happily married to a man who is more than willing to let me be my own headstrong, independent self. I've got it made, to be honest.

But I am afraid. This whole time I've been wondering if this is all too good to be true. How did I actually end up in a functional and happy marriage? I have quite the laundry list of dysfunctional boyfriends and relationships preceding this marriage; how did I beat those odds and manage to get into something so....well, good?

I can't help but feel that something has got to go wrong. Surely I was not meant to be happy. Surely I don't deserve to have a normal life complete with lazy Sunday afternoons and family dinners, a baby boy whose room is painted blue, and a husband who makes me mac and cheese whenever I want it. Surely something is going to come along and screw it up.

I am most scared that Charlie (and our other children) will have to suffer through what I lived through: the lack of love from a parent. I want so badly for everything to work out. It doesn't have to be perfect. The house doesn't have to be Donna Reed clean; we don't have to have a ton of money in the bank; and those fantasy vacations may be put off indefinitely. But really, all I want is the guarantee that our kids will always have both of us, for better or for worse - and that I won't be left without Roy as my husband and best friend.

Ten years ago, if you would have asked me about family, I would have said, "Eh, I can take 'em or leave 'em." But now family is everything.

If I were a praying woman, my prayer would be this:

Please do not take my everything. Please don't allow this painful cycle of fatherless children to continue. Please help me to stop fearing abandonment. Please help me to stop waiting for something bad to happen. Please let me keep my normal and happy life. Please do not take my everything.

I want the cycle broken. And I want to stop feeling the sorrow that I felt as a child, knowing that my dad would never be able to love me the way I needed to be loved. I want to stop fearing this for my own children.

More than anything, I just want to stop waiting for that other heavy shoe to drop.

The Art of Being Married

Yesterday I came across an interesting topic on a message board I frequent. The topic was marriage, and the questions posed were "Are you truly happy in your marriage? What are your deal breakers?"

My big deal breaker is abuse. I cannot and will not deal with any kind of emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse. I just won't. Infidelity is another deal breaker that comes to mind, but I also know that people can make their way back from that kind of betrayal.

One person responded with something like this: "We have no deal breakers. Having them implies that marriage is breakable. Divorce is not a word in our vocabulary."

I found this response to be a bit extreme: after all, it's good to have limits and boundaries, and it's also good to recognize how fragile (breakable, even) our relationships are if we neglect them. I was surprised to see how many people agreed with this particular person's response. This is not to say I am pro-divorce, but I do think that divorce is sometimes better for some people if all other options have been exhausted. (It does piss me off when people get divorced without even attempting marriage counseling or a trial separation, but whatever - it's not my marriage or my business.)

Something I hear a lot is "marriage is hard work." Roy and I have been married for almost two years, and maybe we're still in that blissful honeymoon stage, but our marriage has not been hard. Sure, it takes effort and a willingness to be supportive, understanding, and patient. And yes, he gets on my nerves sometimes. But overall, our marriage doesn't feel like work. It doesn't feel like I'm forcing myself to do something I don't want to do.

(I will say this, though: I think life is hard. And it's not like these life things that happen to us outside of marriage, as individuals, don't affect our marriage. But we've been able to work through all the hard stuff together as a team and as best friends. And I sure do hope we're able to continue to do this, especially since we are going to have a newborn with us in less than a month.)

I love being married. As different as Roy and I are, we are super duper compatible. We've both had enough drama in our lives and know that we don't want it in our marriage. So we don't play games, and when we "fight," we say we're sorry and then move on. It all feels very simple. I wonder if it'll always be this way or if we haven't been challenged enough as a couple yet. We've only been married for two years and together for four, after all.

What do you think? What are your deal breakers, if you have any? Do you think marriage is hard work? What are your thoughts on divorce? (If you aren't married, feel free to put in your two cents anyway.)

On Mating and Relating

Ever seen Singles? Remember how Bridget Fonda's character has a laundry list of qualities she'd like in a significant other? In the end, she narrows it down to one:

"Someone who says 'bless you' when I sneeze."

When I was younger (I mean, way young - like elementary school age), I would say things like, "I want a guy with Kirk Cameron's eyes and Jason Bateman's smile" and so on and so forth. (This was before Kirk Cameron became crazy religious, by the way.) Of course, I never really made a serious list. When the time came, I just jumped right into mating and relating.

Like so many others, I made a lot of mistakes and suffered a lot of heartbreak as a result. As much as I hate to admit it, I was a typical female looking for her white knight. I really wanted to be saved. I fell madly in love several times, only to have the relationships blow up in my face - and while yes, I had the horrible habit of choosing emotionally unavailable men, I was also horribly to blame because I placed each of these unsuspecting men on the highest pedestals possible. Because of all this, there were (are) two important things that I learned from all my relationship failures.

1) It is unfair to your partner to hold them to the exact same standards you hold for yourself.

2) It is unfair to expect someone to fulfill every single one of your needs all the time.

I see people placing these expectations on their partners (potential or actual) all the time. God knows I've certainly been guilty of it and will be, I'm sure, for the rest of my life. I'm not perfect; I definitely sometimes expect things of Roy that are unreasonable or unfair. But really, when I think about it, there are only two things that I need in my marriage in order to feel secure and safe:

1) There needs to be a willingness on both sides to realistically try to satisfy the emotional needs of the other. (This does not mean that Roy has to squeal and act like a girl with me when I need girl time, although let's face it, it would be awesome to hear Roy squeal for once in his life. It does mean that if I am sad and turn to him for love and support, I would appreciate his being there for me - as he always is.)

2) There needs to be a willingness on both sides to communicate openly and honestly. (This doesn't mean that I'm going to tell Roy I had a sex dream about another guy every single time that I have one - I still believe in personal privacy. But it does mean that I will tell him all kinds of other things.)

Roy and I are completely different people. I think it used to matter to me that someone be into the same stuff I was into or have the same friends, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that it's more interesting to be with someone who is different than me than to be with someone who is very similar to me. I think it's great to share interests - for instance, Roy and I both love reading and writing. But he reads mostly fantasy and sci-fi, and I read stuff that isn't fantasy and sci-fi. We both like movies and TV shows - he cringes when I watch One Tree Hill, and I leave the room when he turns on Battlestar Galactica. It doesn't mean we're any less compatible than that couple who likes all the same things or who has all the same friends. It means that we're still individuals, not just two halves of a whole. And in the spirit of individuality, we have separate friends and go do things alone or with others sometimes. Sometimes I need a girl to squeal with, and he needs a guy to act manly with.

Ultimately, I think that emotional availability and open, honest communication are what really matter in a relationship (to me). How tragic would it have been if I would have written Roy off based on superficial differences? I wouldn't have gotten to marry the Cutest Husband Ever, that's for sure.

So what do you think? Did you ever make a list of desireable qualities for your future mate? If so, how well did that work out for you? What are your must-haves in a significant other?

Tell me all about it, please.

Happy Date-iversary! / Ten Things I Love About Roy

Four years ago, Roy and I went out on our very first date.

By the time we met, unrequited love and I were really good friends. As a result, I was a cynic. I didn't believe in "the one." I didn't believe that I would ever get married because I didn't see myself as the marrying kind. And I sure as hell didn't think that anyone would ever really love me the way I really needed to be loved.

I had my heart locked up in a small metal box. I didn't think I knew how to love unconditionally. I didn't think I knew how to love at all. I thought I would always be alone, no matter who I was with. To me, love meant limits and walls. It wasn't a beautiful thing - no, to me, love was dangerous.

Imagine my surprise when this unassuming young guy with striking blue eyes took me out on the most awesome first date ever and actually called me the next day. Imagine my delight when he did indeed call me the day after we first had sex. Imagine my joy when he told me three short weeks after our first date that he was falling in love with me. Imagine my shock when I realized that I felt the same way with absolutely no reservations - and it felt completely safe.

Imagine that.

Our relationship has not been anything close to resembling a fairy tale. And neither was our first date. When he took me out that first time, he didn't bother to clean out his car, he wore some ratty jeans and a T-shirt, and he ran out of money. He made no effort to be anyone other than himself. I loved that about him - I still love that about him. I think he's amazing. I think he's real. I think he's made me a better person. I think that he's my best friend and the only man I've ever been with who has ever really loved me. I think that he's the only man I've ever been with who I've been able to love without reservation.

In all honesty, I think he's absolutely perfect. And I think I knew it four years ago when we went out on our first date and I got drunk on apple martinis while playing pool. I'm so glad he called me on March 11, 2005, and asked me out. That phone call changed my life.



Here are ten things that I love about my Roylet:

1) He gives me permission to feel what I feel. If he catches me apologizing for or questioning my emotions, he always tells me that it's okay to feel the way I do. I have never had a single significant other who was able to do this for me.

2) He's flippin' adorable. Seriously, it does not get any cuter than Roy. It just can't. The world would be in serious trouble if it had more cuteness to reckon with.

3) He tells me he loves me all the time.

4) We don't fight (in the normal sense of the word, anyway). We get irritated with each other every now and then, of course, but our "fights" get solved so quickly that they don't even really feel painful most of the time.

5) He wants to make me happy.

6) He is going to be a wonderful father. I have seen this quality in him since the very beginning, and I have always known that his children are the ones that I want to have. I know he's scared of screwing up, but I also know that he's going to be absolutely amazing as a dad.

7) He keeps me interested. I have to admit that I have always had a wandering eye and a mind that goes off to really kinky places that don't necessarily involve the person I'm with - if you couple this with my genuine curiosity and my own pathologies and dysfunctions, I have not always been on the straight and narrow path in my past relationships. But Roy is able to keep me so emotionally secure and protected that everyone else in the world simply pales in comparison. (And I'm sure that the fact that I am much more mature than I used to be is also a factor in this as well.)

8) We are fully honest with each other. This is something I had never experienced in a relationship before. It's very freeing to know that I can tell him any damn thing and know that he will still love me.

9) He's affectionate. He hugs me, holds me, and gives me kisses. He does things to make me laugh. He doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning because he wants to be with me (and vice versa).

10) He has really challenged my assumptions about people and especially men. Roy has renewed my faith in humanity. He is just such a good person that being with him makes me want to be a better person. I am so honored to be his wife.



The four years that we've been together have undoubtedly been the best of my life. I'm looking forward to a whole lifetime of happiness with the cutest husband ever.

Happy Date-iversary, behbehs!

Of Marriage, Downtown, and Love Letters: Day Two of Our Anniversary Trip

Monday was our official one-year wedding anniversary. The three of us started off the day by going back to the Global Market for lunch. This time we actually got to order the pizza we wanted. Afterwards, we took a walk down to the park near Wade's house. It was quite pretty, because it was all green and quiet. We walked around the lake and then stopped and rested a bit on this concrete stage-like thing. I laid on my back and stared up at the trees. The light was falling on the leaves perfectly, and a gentle breeze was blowing. I decided that it needed to be captured on video (even though the video ended up being pretty boring).



Afterwards, Wade drove us to the Grand Hotel in downtown Minneapolis and dropped us off for a night of lavishness. (Thanks for the rec, Kim!)





We had decided that our anniversary night needed to be extra special, and the Grand Hotel certainly made sure we were well taken care of. I loved our room. The bed was amazing. So comfortable!





You'll notice that the bathtub has its own TV and the toilet has its own door.









We hung out in our room for awhile and then ventured out to explore the downtown area.



We ended up in the nearby Nicollet Mall, and it took us forever to find actual stores. During our search, we sat down and had some ice cream from Cold Stone. I hadn't had any in a year or so, so it was a really nice treat. When we finally found the stores, we were kind of disappointed by the selection.

Roy decided that he wanted to find a bookstore (which suited me just fine), so we followed our noses (and green Barnes & Noble bags) until we found it. I found a book of love letters that seemed appropriate for the day, and I sat reading it on the second floor facing the street. It was early evening at this point, and the streets were relatively quiet. I felt very calm and happy to be sitting there reading those very private letters on our anniversary in a lovely, lovely city.



While we were in the store, my mom called at 6:30 PM and said, "Do you know what you were doing a year ago at this moment?" I thought it was so sweet that she remembered the time when we officially became husband and wife. We talked for a bit, Roy and I made our purchases, and then we went back to our hotel.



My original plan was for us to have a nice dinner out, but we decided to stay in, order room service, and watch a movie. We watched Made of Honor (it had to be a wedding-related movie), ate our yummy room service food, and later ordered dessert (a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a banana split). Although it was really low-key, it was a wonderful evening.

(Psst - The below pictures are awful. I took them without flash with my brother's point and shoot, and they were really dark. I tried to fix them in Lightroom, but they just look noisy. Oh well.)





The best part? Our disgustingly sappy declarations of love to each other. Roy and I are always good at telling each other how we feel, and we do it often. But we said it a little more and with a little more oomph on our anniversary. Cheesy ol' me even shed a few tears. I am so very, very lucky.

One Year

I, Leslie, take you, Roy, to be my husband, in equal love, as a mirror for my true Self, as a partner on my path, to honor and to cherish, in sorrow and in joy.

Roy, I choose you today and every day, for the rest of my life.

I have already given you my heart. Now I give you my life.



One year ago today, Roy and I were married.



We had a beautiful evening ceremony, and a simple, fun reception immediately following. Our wedding was not stylish, lavish, or over-the-top expensive. But it reflected us (and our bank accounts), and that's what matters. I wouldn't change a thing (except a couple of our vendors).



I've been doing a lot of thinking about what makes a marriage. And I've realized that it's not just the two people in the marriage; it's family and friends and the rest of the world that impact this most sacred of relationships. I am so lucky to have a wonderful support system, because it helps me to be a better wife and friend to Roy. And my support system also makes for a better me.



This year has been wonderful, and it's also been hard. It feels like I've lived a whole lifetime; I have definitely evolved into a slightly different version of the girl who got married on July 14, 2007. And this new person loves her husband even more than she did on their wedding day.



I am so excited to see what the future holds for us. There are so many good things in store for us; we will take them and hold ourselves up and together during the hard times. I feel that anything is possible with Roy by my side. He helps me be my best self and loves me when I am at my lowest. He is my love, my heart, and my life.



I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Our Last Monthiversary

Today we've been married 11 months.

This is not our last monthiversary, but it's probably the last one I'll write about on here. Soon it'll be our one year anniversary of being married, and it seems a bit silly to keep up the monthiversary tradition past the first year mark. What I'd like to do instead is celebrate our marriage every single day by doing simple things like saying "I love you" daily. It's often the little things that really add up and count the most. We have always been good at both the little and big things, and as the months and years go by, celebrating and respecting our union, I feel, will be what will hold us together...forever.

Oddly, I used to not believe in forever. I thought it was a silly concept, but it just goes to show that people can and should challenge your assumptions. I love how life has always managed to surprise me - one of the greatest surprises has been Roy. Imagine such a kind-hearted, gentle soul like Roy loving a neurotic obsessive like me. It's really wonderful to be married to someone who embraces all of my qualities. It's the best feeling ever, actually. And I am the luckiest person in the world, not just because I am married to Roy, but because I married into his family who has always accepted me as one of them.

Sadly, this weekend I am out of state visiting my mom and uncle, and Roy stayed home due to the high cost of airfare. But even though we are apart today, I am still celebrating us. My vow is to always celebrate us.

I love you, hubsand. Forever.

Triple Whammy

Okay, so today I have a triple whammy celebration going on.

1) It's Mandy's birthday! She is 31 years young today. Happy Birthday, Mandy!

2) It's the two year anniversary of our getting engaged! I haven't told our engagement story on my blog yet, so maybe I'll do that one of these days.

3) It's our tenth monthiversary! I won't lie: this month has been challenging for me. This is the first month where I've thought, "Hey, this marriage stuff isn't so easy sometimes." We are good, but there have been times this month that I've felt some tension and distance between us. Roy and I are complete opposites, and we don't know how to handle each other sometimes. However, I think the fact that we are opposites is a big reason why we are such a successful couple. We really do complement each other, and we respect each other's differences. Every marriage has its ups and downs, and frankly, there's no one else I'd rather experience those with than my cute li'l Roylet.

So, yeah. Today is a happy day.

Nine months!

Roy and I have been married for nine months today! It's not that long, but at the same time, I have no clue where the time has gone.

Marriage has been fun, challenging, and interesting so far. I can't really say that things have changed between us. We are the same happy couple we always have been, but marriage has increased the depth of my feelings and commitment towards Roy and our relationship.

It's strange that about four years ago I couldn't imagine myself ever getting married. And now I can't imagine myself not being married to Roy.

He's just the cutest, the sweetest, and the most understanding person I've ever known. I'm so lucky!

(Okay, I'm done gushing!)

Happy Birthday, Roy!

Today is my husband's 29th birthday!

I took a picture of him yesterday and everything just for this post, but I forgot to upload the picture before I left for work. So here's an older picture of us; I believe it was taken in June 2007, shortly before we got married.

Anyway, 29 years ago, Roy was born! What an awesome day that was. I myself was still in the womb and wouldn't be making my appearance for another two months and five days. I wonder if I sensed then that my future husband had just been born...

Happy birthday, Roy! You are truly my hero and the most important person in my life. You've taught me how to love and why it's important to live life. I am so honored to share your life with you. Here's to many more birthdays and much happiness!

Three Reasons to Celebrate

1) We have been married for eight months today.

2) Three years ago today, Roy and I went out on our first date.

3) One year ago today, I quit smoking.

I had a long blog entry about all this planned, but this week has been super stressful and emotional for me on many levels. So I took a mental health day today and am also celebrating making it through hard times with my wits intact. A big reason for this is Roy, who is truly my hero.

I would like to talk more about these things, particularly quitting smoking, but I'll wait for another time when I feel more inspired.

Double the Love!

Happy Valentines Day!

This isn't really a special holiday, since it's purely commercial, but I embrace any chance to celebrate anything. Especially because today is also our 7th monthiversary of being married!

We don't have big plans for tonight. Neither one of us is big on crowds, so we avoid going out to eat on Valentines Day. Instead, we'll have a nice dinner at home.

This weekend is a different story. We're going to stay one night at a local B&B called the Morey Mansion Inn. I have been fascinated with this place ever since I first saw it years ago. It is one of the most amazing houses I've ever seen. We wanted to stay there on our wedding night, but it was too far away from our wedding site. So now we are leaping at the chance to stay there, even though it's quite pricey. We are justifying this expense by not getting each other gifts and saying that we are doing this to also celebrate our 3-year dating anniversary, which is exactly 1 month from today.

I truly can't believe that it's already been 7 months since our wedding day. Time goes by so fast. So far marriage has actually been pretty easy, though I know we'll have tough times eventually. I'm just grateful to be married to Roy, just in case you didn't get it the first 50,000 times I said it.

6 months already?!

We have been married for 6 months today. That's half a year, people!

I'm not normally a person who takes many things for granted. I am, by nature, a reflective person, and because of that, I am always aware of how good my life is and how lucky I am.

This month, though, I realized that there are times when I don't give Roy enough credit. He does so many things just to make me happy, and while I'm big on saying "thank you," I don't know if I always acknowledge how grateful I am for his presence in my life.

He is, quite simply, one of the best people I have ever known, and I am so honored to be his wife. I am going to try much harder to give credit where credit is due. I really need to thank him more often for putting up with my craziness and for letting me be myself.

Happy 6 months!

Memory Month: 2007 - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I can't believe that 2007 is almost over! I say that at the end of every year, but this year is particularly close to my heart - I'm almost afraid to see it go. It has been truly amazing and full of so many ups and downs. Here is my year in review:


The Good

1) I got married! It's true what they say - it was the most amazing day of my life. But it's also true that it doesn't all go downhill from there. In fact, my love for Roy has grown so much since our wedding day. Our relationship has matured in a way that amazes me (not that our relationship was immature before or anything). I truly can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.

2) I found out who my friends are. I have built some incredible friendships this year. Having Mandy as my woman of honor in my wedding really strengthened our bond. Having Melinda and Kim to talk to about wedding/marriage/life ups and downs (not to mention the antics of really stupid people that we all so love making fun of) really drove home the point that people you meet online can turn into awesome friends. Working with Myra on a daily basis showed me that you really can meet the coolest people in the most unlikely places. Of course, along with these newer friendships, there are still my old friends, who I see less often or never at all: Candice, Genevee, Lynn, Laci, and Amanda. And who could forget all the girls that I hang out with online on a regular basis? (Exceptions abound in the online department, because let's face it - some of those bitches on the Nest/the Knot are crazy. Or stupid. Or both.)



3) I caught the dreaded baby fever. Worse things could happen, I'm sure. Acknowledging this desire of mine as something that I'm finally ready for has been confusing. Having children has always been something that I felt was better reserved for the future. It is so weird knowing that the future is finally here. Well, sort of.

4) I became a part of the blogosphere. Although I kept a blog on MySpace prior to my blog here, that doesn't really count. I can't believe the sheer volume of interesting blogs out there - I'm so glad I switched and was able to join the network.

5) I wrote a decent poem and many good blog posts. Writing is still one of the main things that centers me and defines who I am.

6) I read a whole lot of books, most of which were good. Reading is so important to me, and despite how busy and chaotic this year was, I'm glad I was able to take the time to read some books.

7) We got a new car. And it's awesome. Neither one of us will be needing a new car anytime soon.

8) I became part of a new family. I am so lucky to have 2 California mommies that I adore, a sister-in-law who I consider my friend, a brother-in-law who tolerates me, and my adorable nephews and niece.

9) I quit smoking. After 10+ years of smoking, I finally quit - and this time I feel it's for good. It was truly one of the best things I've ever done for myself, especially because it was not easy. I managed to quit cold turkey in March, in the middle of planning a wedding and finishing up finals week. I'm very proud of myself.

10) I realized, like never before, that it's the people in your life who make it what it is. I really used to keep myself at a distance from others. I had major trust issues. I still have them, but I'm learning not to let them get in the way of forming important relationships. I would be lost without the people I love. I didn't really realize this until I got married. Something in me changed that day (and in the days and months leading up to it). I realized that we are all connected and that it was meant to be that way - because human beings need each other.


The Bad

1) Roy got into a car accident. I am so relieved that he didn't get hurt. That would have been so awful.

2) I didn't get the job I wanted (which still really bugs me). I'm still trying to find another job. So far, no luck. There's a possiblity within my own department, but that's a whole other story.

3) My current job has made me apathetic and lazy. This is something that needs to change. I'm not sure if it's my attitude that needs adjusting or if I need an actual job change.

4) I'm suffering from burnout in regards to school. I really want to finish, but I can't make myself care as much as I used to. I used to be a big-time overachiever and highly motivated. I am still a good student, but not as good as I used to be.

5) I cried. A lot. I have cried while watching Scrubs, Gilmore Girls, My Name is Earl, and trailers for upcoming movies. I have sobbed over videography, photography, and flowers. I have wept over the loss of a friendship and the deaths of those I've never even met. This penchant for tears, while embarassing, is something I'm grateful for, because it's how I express my sorrow, frustration, and happiness.


The Ugly

1) I found out who my friends are. Turns out that my friend of 20+ years and I aren't really connecting anymore (which I knew way before this year). In a moment of extreme sadness, when I realized that she wasn't coming to my wedding and didn't think anything of it, I told her how disappointed I was. She called it a guilt trip. I called it honesty. We haven't spoken since - and maybe it's for the best. I still think of her often, but we have really grown apart. It sucks, but it happens.

2) People died. So many good people left this life in 2007, as people do every year. Some of them were brave enough to share their battles with the world through their blogs, and I think they are incredible. As depressing as it may be, I'm going to be adding a section onto my sidebar for those who have passed on and left their wisdom behind. It's really the least I can do to honor them and to raise awareness of the diseases that killed them.

*****

As you can see, it was one hell of a year. So sorry to see you go, 2007. Bring it on, 2008!