Yesterday I came across an interesting topic on a message board I frequent. The topic was marriage, and the questions posed were "Are you truly happy in your marriage? What are your deal breakers?"
My big deal breaker is abuse. I cannot and will not deal with any kind of emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse. I just won't. Infidelity is another deal breaker that comes to mind, but I also know that people can make their way back from that kind of betrayal.
One person responded with something like this: "We have no deal breakers. Having them implies that marriage is breakable. Divorce is not a word in our vocabulary."
I found this response to be a bit extreme: after all, it's good to have limits and boundaries, and it's also good to recognize how fragile (breakable, even) our relationships are if we neglect them. I was surprised to see how many people agreed with this particular person's response. This is not to say I am pro-divorce, but I do think that divorce is sometimes better for some people if all other options have been exhausted. (It does piss me off when people get divorced without even attempting marriage counseling or a trial separation, but whatever - it's not my marriage or my business.)
Something I hear a lot is "marriage is hard work." Roy and I have been married for almost two years, and maybe we're still in that blissful honeymoon stage, but our marriage has not been hard. Sure, it takes effort and a willingness to be supportive, understanding, and patient. And yes, he gets on my nerves sometimes. But overall, our marriage doesn't feel like work. It doesn't feel like I'm forcing myself to do something I don't want to do.
(I will say this, though: I think life is hard. And it's not like these life things that happen to us outside of marriage, as individuals, don't affect our marriage. But we've been able to work through all the hard stuff together as a team and as best friends. And I sure do hope we're able to continue to do this, especially since we are going to have a newborn with us in less than a month.)
I love being married. As different as Roy and I are, we are super duper compatible. We've both had enough drama in our lives and know that we don't want it in our marriage. So we don't play games, and when we "fight," we say we're sorry and then move on. It all feels very simple. I wonder if it'll always be this way or if we haven't been challenged enough as a couple yet. We've only been married for two years and together for four, after all.
What do you think? What are your deal breakers, if you have any? Do you think marriage is hard work? What are your thoughts on divorce? (If you aren't married, feel free to put in your two cents anyway.)