20 Days: Insomniac Bride

So my plan is to blog every day from now until the wedding. I'd like to blog on the morning of the wedding too, but I won't really have access to a computer, I don't think.

This morning I woke up extremely early thinking about flowers. I'm one of those people whose stress shows up in the form of insomnia. I think it's been about a month now that I've been worried and concerned about flowers - actually, I've been worried about my florists' ability to produce what I want. Take, for instance, the bouquet that is the inspiration for mine:



Basically I just want the wildflower look, so we changed around some of the flowers in the above bouquet in favor of flowers in our color scheme or flowers that will last longer. The florists made me a sample bouquet. They did tell me that it wouldn't be exactly like I wanted, but still I wasn't prepared for what I did receive, which I almost immediately dubbed "the offending bouquet":





If I wasn't already stressed out enough due to our communication issues, the offending bouquet made me close to being frantic. So I told my coordinator about it, and she said she would handle it. Almost immediately, the whole issue left my mind.

Until yesterday. Roy and I, our coordinator, and the florists all met at our venue to talk decorations. We got it all figured out, and when we were leaving, we mentioned our plans (made ahead of time, mind you) to go to a flower wholesaler so we could all get a visual of what I want and expect. One of the florists had no clue about the trip to the wholesaler. I had no idea why she didn't know because my coordinator is the one who set the whole thing up. I spoke with my coordinator, and we figured out that she had told one of them about the trip, but that the information was not passed on to the other one. Talk about communication issues!

Once we reached the flower wholesaler, I told my florists that I needed another sample bouquet, and they were visibly annoyed with me. I thought telling them this had been handled already, thereby saving me from confrontation, which I hate with a passion even though I know it's necessary sometimes. I actually felt bad for being "high maintenance," but the fact of the matter is, the offending bouquet is called that for a reason. In situations like these, my stupid Catholic guilt and doormat tendencies set in, and I often feel bad or guilty for asking for something that I rightfully deserve. It's definitely a handicap.

So this is where my insomnia came from, this little instance of confrontation with my florists, who were annoyed with me for asking them to do their job, and my feeling bad for it because of my stupid guilt complex. I was able to get back to bed after awhile though. And once again, when I woke up, I had another shock come to me from the world of flowers: an invoice for $710.00 through email from the offending florists, who didn't bother to tell me that the place they buy organza from charges $8.00/yard. They had estimated that I would need 75 yards for the decorations we had decided. That adds up to $606.00 just for fabric. I was shocked at the thought of adding that huge amount to our already huge amount owed to other various vendors, not to mention appalled (but certainly not surprised) at their decision to not communicate the high price of organza to me.

Long story short: If we weren't 3 weeks from the wedding, these ladies, sweet as they are, would be so fired. Their inability to communicate well (or at all) might be funny to me if it didn't affect me.

My coordinator assures me that everything will be fine. She's getting me the organza for $2.50/yard, which saves us a ton of money. And I really can't believe that I devoted an entire blog to flowers, because I know the day after the wedding that the flowers will not matter anymore. Unfortunately, they matter now. Hence, the blabbering blog about day 20.

Sleepwalking

Due to my insomniac tendencies, I haven't slept very well all week. Last night I actually got up and out of bed instead of staying in place and trying to wish myself back to sleep. So today I have been sleepwalking. In a desperate attempt to keep myself awake, I have eaten about three Fruit Roll-Ups since lunch. They have Spiderman 3 tattoos on them. When I walk down the halls of the office, I feel like I am in a gigantic hazy labyrinth.

This picture from WeeklyShot shows how I feel, only much more poetically. Thank the gods for the visionaries.

Communication, or the lack thereof

When there's no communication, even the once strongest of relationships is destined to fail. Lately I've been thinking about how people communicate. It's rarely straightforward. We usually deliver our wants and needs thinly disguised as requests or something else that's considered more polite and less demanding.

This isn't a hidden message about the state of my relationship with Roy, but like every relationship in the world, it's not perfect and could always be improved upon. No, this is more about the professional relationships I have.

You can say anything you want to as long as you say it well. As a food server, I learned the art of saying what I needed to say for my mental health and sanity. I realized that I could insult anyone as long as I insulted them without them realizing they were being insulted. I don't necessarily enjoy insulting people, but in the precarious (and largely powerless) position I was always in, sometimes I needed that power.

I've been having major issues with one of my wedding vendors, and the main reason for it is poor communication between us. I just sent an email to them detailing exactly what I need from them. Hopefully this will resolve the problem, and I can breathe a little bit.

But not yet. This is why I am here at 4:15 in the morning. True to form, when I am stressed or worried, my insomnia flares up. I cannot wait until my wedding brain turns back into my normal brain.