I'm (not, in any way, shape, or form) too sexy.

So I admitted to you guys the other night that it's been quite awhile since I've shaved my legs or had my eyebrows waxed. (Let's try to forget the eating the pretzel off the floor incident.)

I've always been what you'd call cute. Right?



(And that pic was taken on a good day.)

Being a mother has done something odd to me. It's made me feel pretty much the opposite of sexy. I can't say I felt beautiful when I was pregnant, but I developed a very healthy respect for my body and its ability to grow a healthy human being. (My birth experience and my inability to breastfeed has made me sort of angry at my body, but that is beside the point.) A good day for me (when I feel somewhat attractive) is when I'm able to: 1) shower, 2) put on makeup, and 3) dry/"style" my hair. However, even when I'm able to do these things, I'm still not well put together. My eyebrows are constantly in a state of being caterpillar-like, my legs are starting to look as hairy as Roy's, and well, in general I just feel blah.

It's funny how I thought that I was invisible back when I was pregnant. Because I'm definitely invisible now. Everyone notices my cute baby, but no one notices me. Most of the time I'm okay with this - unless I'm having an ugly day. Then I'm like, "Hey, people, can you just tell me I'm cute? kthnxbai."

I guess the problem is that I have much less interaction with other adults, and so there's no one to tell me, "Wow, you look great today!" I miss that. People were always telling me how great I looked when I was pregnant. I mean, comments on my appearance were an everyday occurrence. To be fair, people have told me that I look great post-pregnancy, but it's been awhile. The last comment I got that was even remotely related to the way I look was more negative than anything. (Someone told me that the reason why I lost all my baby weight is because I hold Charlie all the time and thus don't eat. The implication was that I am starving myself and also holding my baby too much - wow, what a self-sacrificing mother I am. So it was a double whammy of a critical remark about both my appearance and my parenting style - or at least that's the way I took it.)

I know I look pretty good for having popped out a shorty less than six months ago. I lost the baby weight really quickly, which I am so so grateful for. My stretch marks have faded so much that you have to really look for them to see them (again, something I am really happy about). My stomach is not any more or less flabby than it was when I got pregnant, my boobs still look good, my ass hasn't flattened, all these are good things - but yet I don't feel attractive most of the time.

I think I'm in desperate need of another makeover. I need a new wardrobe, a new haircut, possibly a new hair color. I need to figure out a way to get my eyebrows waxed more often. (It sounds ridiculous, but the state of my eyebrows has a big effect on the way I feel.) I need to do yoga more often because lately my muscles have been so tense that I feel like crap - and when I feel like crap, it transfers to how I perceive the way I look. All in all, I think big changes need to be made.

The simplest thing I can do right now is drink a lot of water. I don't think I'm hydrated enough, and then I start to get headaches (had an awful one today), which makes me feel worse about how I look. Everything else will follow naturally, I think. It's time I got some things balanced out.

I'll never be a supermodel. But maybe with a few changes, I'll feel more like a MILF.

Oh hai, I hate my hair.

Maybe it's because I'm feeling vomity. But tonight I hate my hair. I want to shave it off and start anew.

Allow me to stroke my own ego for a moment, but when I was younger, I had beautiful, soft, fine, blonde hair. It has never behaved well or done anything ladylike at all. It's always just kind of hung there looking boring, but at least it was a pretty color and felt soft, you know?

I started highlighting it when I was about 25. I swore I would never do that, but I suffer from the towhead curse, which means that my once pretty blonde hair turned darker and mousy as I got into my 20s. The highlights have always made me feel good about myself, because they look natural and they give my hair that little umph that it needs.

But now my hair feels drier than it used to, and you can see my roots, and I am just not good at styling my hair nor do I feel like putting the energy into it.

Which leads me back to the whole hating my hair conundrum.

I think I need a makeover. Anyone want to help me?

Oh em gee, it's Election Day!

Holy crap! I thought this day would never get here.

I'm not sure if it's obvious, but I voted for Obama.



(Man, I look tired/chubby/pimply. Please ignore my face, and focus on my shirt!)

And I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some change.



But obviously John McCain has a lot to offer as well.



In addition to this monumental election, I get to leave work early for my three-month Lasik follow-up appointment, which means that afterward I get to come home and 1) take a nap and 2) obsess over the election.

I'd like to say that having eye surgery was some of the best money I've ever spent, mainly because I don't have to walk around looking like this guy:



And having good vision is a big plus, too.

Happy Election Day, everyone! And don't forget: "Live your values. Love your country. Vote."

Anatomy of a Metamorphosis

On Thursday afternoon, I looked like this:





Words cannot express how much I hate the way I look in the above pictures. Oh, well. I'm not the one who took them.

On Thursday evening, after a couple of hours at the salon, I looked like this:





On Friday afternoon, after I'd had my Lasik surgery done and had been put to bed, I looked like this:



After sleeping 16 hours following surgery, being told I now have 20/15 vision, and taking a nice, relaxing shower, here is what I now look like:




I think I like the new me.

Time for Change

Why do so many of my blog titles reference song titles/lyrics, books, and movies? It seems to happen on its own. Someday I will come up with my own original ideas for titles. Until then, I will steal like the thieving thief I am.

And now...on to the real point of this post.

The times they are a-changin'. (There I go again, stealing like a sinner.) Things are changing because I am thirsty for change. I've got a couple of superficial changes that are coming up very soon (this week, in fact) and are very exciting.

-New eyeballs! I'm having Lasik on Friday! Here's what I look like without specs:



Correction: That is what I look like without specs when I've had my makeup done by a professional and have a professional photographer taking my picture.

-New hair! I'm getting a long-overdue haircut on Thursday after work. I have been growing my hair out since Roy and I started dating, and now I'm over it. Here's the look that I want:



I've had my hair cut short before, and I liked it. This picture is from 2005.



I think it's going to work out. I am super excited. I am not very adventurous when it comes to my hair. For me to attempt something like this is pretty huge. I did have an A-line hairstyle for awhile back before I ever met Roy, but the lady who cut it didn't really know what she was doing. It was supposed to look like this:



But it came out looking not so hot. There's a reason I have no pictures to share.

But I have finally decided to try again! I'm done with my overly stringy and boring long hair.

-Lastly (and this is a not-so-superficial change), I'm finally going to court on Thursday morning to have my name legally changed. After over a year, I will finally have my so-cute-I-could-be-mistaken-for-a-stripper last name.

There are other (big) changes coming up as well. Totally exciting, totally scary. Stay tuned for those - they are still too new to blog about. It takes me awhile to process, yo.

Hungry Eyes / A Sphincter Says What?

Recently it's come to my attention that I have a debilitating handicap. I have had this handicap since I was 9 years old, but I never thought of it in that way until recently.

Folks, I have really bad eyesight. I have been fine with wearing glasses for years. I tried wearing contacts in junior high and high school (due to that oh-so-low adolescent self-esteem), but I have some sort of eye virus that flares up when I wear contacts. The result of my trying to wear them is not pretty. So for years it's just been me and my specs. And I am fine with that.

From a cosmetic standpoint, I really am fine with that. But actually, emotionally my level of blindness is beginning to bother me. I'm afraid of losing my glasses and thus losing my ability to do anything. If there was a really bad earthquake (or some other disaster) and I lost my glasses, I would be screwed. Granted, the chances of something like this happening are small. But I've had a few mornings lately where I've had to search the bedroom floor with my nose pressed up against the carpet to find my glasses that wandered off my nightstand in the middle of the night.

For this reason, I'm thinking more seriously about having my vision corrected through Lasik. The possiblity of not having to have corrective lenses excites me, but it also makes me sad. I've always been the girl in glasses. I even wore my glasses when I got married, which seemed to shock some people. Someone even told me how brave I was for wearing my glasses that day. Seriously?! I can't believe that this culture values flawless beauty to that degree.

Oh, wait. Yes, I can.

So last night Roy and I watched Wayne's World. Love that movie. Seeing it took me back to junior high and high school when everyone used to tell me I looked like Garth.



I have changed some since those days, but it's nice to see the resemblance is still there. And it's all because of the glasses. (Well, I'm sure the blonde hair helps as well.) I'm not sure who I'll be without them, but I'm fairly sure that I won't be able to change my nerd status that easily. And truly, I'm a cool nerd.

www.mylifeisridiculouslyboring.com

I have been so busy lately with what most people would probably consider uninteresting things, so I haven't really been writing about the current goings-on in my life. Here it is, in list form.

- Thesis proposal. I'm hoping to have a good enough version of it to send up to the graduate committee by the end of the quarter. If not, the beginning of next quarter it is!

- Creative writing. I've been hard at work critiquing my classmates' work and revising my own. Tomorrow the class will be workshopping a sequence of poems I put together, and I'm a little nervous.

- Mandy's bridal shower. It's coming together, but I can't reveal any more than that right now. The RSVPs are coming in though!

- Beauty. Mandy and I got pedicures today. We also got our eyebrows threaded. It was definitely an interesting experience that only took a matter of minutes. I would definitely do it again with someone who doesn't leave all my eyebrow hairlets all over my face like this lady did. Thanks, lady.

- Lack of beauty. Still struggling with the acne issue, though it's not nearly as bad as it was.

- TV. Currently, I'm watching (when I can) Firefly, the first season of Beverly Hills, 90210, and the fourth season of One Tree Hill. Don't hate on my TV show tastes; I pride myself on being well-rounded!

- Weight. Apparently, I've lost 5 pounds in the past month or so.

- Photography. I haven't gotten out to take photos in quite awhile, but I have been doing a bit of editing. Check out my flickr site if you're interested.

- Work. I have actually been busy at work. The days have been flying by and have made my professional life much more tolerable.

While some would probably find my life boring, I actually don't. I just really lack the skills to make it sound exciting, I guess. Well, whatever - there it is: my life right now.

Ugly Week

Have you ever had those days where you just felt ugly?

I have pretty much felt like that all week. It all started last week when I began breaking out. By last weekend I had a good amount of zits on my face, and because I'm pasty white, they were really obvious. I don't think I've ever had that many zits at one time, not even during puberty.

On Monday morning, Roy and I went to the doctor. I found out that I've gained 10 pounds since October, which means that I am now officially overweight. My doctor didn't seem too concerned, but I have to confess - I really am. I am the girl who, for most of her life, had a hard time keeping weight on. Now all of a sudden I'm overweight?! (But really, who am I kidding? I should have seen this coming.)

To combat the pimples and at a co-worker's suggestion, I went to a local salon that carries Bare Escentuals makeup. This really nice guy fixed me all up with some concealer, foundation, lip plumper, and bronzer. I really liked the way I looked, especially because the eruptions on my face had magically disappeared! The best part is that it was all free. He ordered a starter kit for me, and I was really excited to use some makeup that actually provides good coverage.

And then I woke up yesterday morning, and my entire face was red and blotchy. I can only assume that I had a bad reaction to the makeup, because I didn't do anything else differently. I am seriously bummed because I managed to develop an unhealthy attachment to that makeup for the 8 whole hours it was on my face.

Today my face isn't red anymore, but it is now extremely dry. Just another part of ugly week, I guess.

Anyway, I do have good news. I started working out this week. I've done power yoga twice (for 30 minutes each time) and added in some weights last night. My plan is to try to work out at least 4-5 days a week. I'm starting easy and am feeling great so far (but I'm sore). I also really need to work on changing my eating habits. It feels so hard because I'm such a picky eater.

I am officially taking recommendations for good, natural makeup products. Let me know what you can come up with.