When I saw my OB last week he asked how I was enjoying my maternity leave. I told him I loved it, and he said, "Yeah, it's like a month-long hall pass. Pretty soon you realize that this whole work thing is for suckers."
I truly couldn't have said it better myself.
I can't help but feel that being off work has helped me discover some Great Secret. For the life of me, I can't figure out why we are compelled to rush around and be busy. I have been busy for years. Even in high school, I was busy. But let me tell you, being busy is overrated. Terribly overrated.
I absolutely love my life right now. I love that I can get up, shower, eat, nap, run errands, watch TV and/or movies, and get things done around the house - all at my leisure. I love that I don't have to figure out how I'm going to juggle this or that errand while actually ingesting food on my lunch hour. I love that I am not cooped up in a crappy office being watched hour after hour, day after day.
One of my favorite things to do is sit in Charlie's room and think about him. I think about him constantly anyway, but being in his room still fills me with wonder. I can't believe that very soon we are going to bring home a baby. It feels so strange. But so right. I am really excited and full of anticipation. But I'm still not in a rush. He can come when he wants to. Many, many women who are as far along as I am are trying to naturally induce labor through sex, spicy food, massage, acupuncture, herbs, etc. But not me. I'm content to just let it happen when it's supposed to (unless, of course, it just doesn't happen and it becomes unsafe for him to stay inside).
Don't get me wrong, I want Charlie here! I can't wait to meet him; his birth day will be the most wonderful of days. But this is the last time that I'll get to soak up the silence, to be alone, to take deliciously long naps and wake up to the fading sun falling through the blinds. My nighttime warm bath ritual will come to an end soon, and so will many other things. I want to enjoy things as they are before they change forever.
So that's what I'm doing. I have no lofty goals like writing the Great American Novel right now. I have barely even pulled out my camera in the last month. I'm just being. I'm learning how to be still and calm. And yes, lazy. Because I will never have this time back. And instead of spending it being anxious or scared, I choose to be, for the first time, stoic. Stoic as a rock in the middle of a rainstorm. It's always nice to know that even Type A personalities, like me, have it in them to calm the fuck down and let go a little.
I'm enjoying this new me.