May 17, 2009

Playboy Mommy

A funny thing happened while I was driving around town the other day (looking for Taco Bell, no less). One of my favorite Tori Amos songs from one of my favorite Tori Amos albums started playing.

I listened to this song religiously in the late 90s. I was a big fan of the repeat option on my CD player, and this song made it to repeat status. I loved it, but it never hit me like it did the other day. I was surprised when my eyes starting filling with tears. Maybe it's the host of bad pregnancy/fertility/baby news my friends and people I know have gotten of late, maybe it's the knowledge of those that are really struggling, or maybe it's just out-and-out pregnancy hormones - but wow, I finally realized how powerful this song is. I can relate to it in a way I never could before.

In my platforms I hit the floor.
I fell face down, didn't help my brain out.
And then the baby came before I found the magic how to keep her happy.
I never was the fantasy of what you want- wanted me to be…
Don't judge me so harsh little girl, so you got a playboy mommy.
But when you tell 'em my name and,
You wanna cross that bridge all on your own.
Little girl they'll do you no harm, 'cause they know your playboy mommy.
But when you tell 'em my name from here to Birmingham.
I got a few friends.

I never was there, was there when it counts. I get my way, you're so like me.
You seemed ashamed, ashamed that I was, a good friend of American soldiers.
I'll say it loud here by your grave, those angels can't ever take my place.
Don't judge me so harsh little girl, you got a playboy mommy.
But when you tell 'em my name and,
You wanna cross that bridge all on your own.
Little girl they'll do you no harm, 'cause they know your playboy mommy.
But you just tell 'em my name, you tell 'em my name.
I got a few friends.

Somewhere, where the orchids grow I can't find those church bells,
That played when you died, played Gloria, talkin' bout Hosanah….
But don't judge me so harsh little girl, you got a playboy mommy, come home.
But when you tell them soldiers my name,
And cross that bridge all on your own.
Little girl they'll do you no harm,
'Cause they know your playboy mommy.
But I'll be home; I'll be home to take you in my arms...


Have you ever had an experience like this, where you revisited something from the past, only to find it much more relevant than it was before?

9 comments:

phairhead said...

Repeat CD was my life inmy 20's! I found Choirgirl Hotel the least accesible of Tori's recent work. Mostly 'cause I missed "the girl and her piano" schtick. I didn't bother w/ The Beekeeper either. But I think it's time to save my pennies and get her "latest".

Laurie Anderson "Big Science", released in 1983 and the whole thing gave me chills 'cause it felt like 9-11

inflammatory writ said...

Leslie, I love that song! I have to listen to that album again. Her new one is HORRIBLE and I have to earbleach it away.

"Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads made me take pause last week. It is the consummate song for someone sick of the corporate grind.

Eric's Mommy said...

This post gave me goosebumps. I love Tori, and I love that song.

Leslie said...

phairhead - Wow, I think you should give Choirgirl another shot. Seriously. IMO it and Little Earthquakes are her two best albums. I didn't bother with The Beekeeper, either.

Kari - I'll have to give that TH song a listen fo sho.

Eric's Mommy - Hi! I know you've commented before, but it's good to see you again. :)

Lydia said...

Leslie,

Funny you mention this, because I've been getting back into Tori lately and I LOVE choirgirl hotel (phairhead is nuts...I can say that b/c i know her!) I was driving home from work the other day listening to it and the waterworks started out of nowhere. So yes, I totally know where you're coming from! And I don't have pregnancy hormones to blame!

Leslie said...

Lydia - I hear ya. I think Choirgirl is genius and that she's never put out anything nearly as good since. I love how I can revisit that album and still be blown away.

alejna said...

Oh, yes. I'm sure it's happened with other songs, too, but the one that comes to mind for me is my recent experience with "Coventry Carol," which was one of my favorite Christmas carols when I was little. This past December, I really listened to the lyrics, which I discovered were really about the Slaughter of the Innocents. I'd heard the tale before, coming across it in my very scattered religious education. Now that I am a mother, I find that story devastating. (I wrote a post about it, actually.)

A said...

That's so funny because I, too, have been listening to Tori (but only old school Tori). Choirgirl and Pele are my favorites.

I know exactly what you mean by this song though. After I had my little miss, the song took on a whole new meaning for me as well.

Leslie said...

alejna - Wow, that was a powerful post. Thanks for sharing it. There are many things I could say in response, but I'll just agree with you when you say that much work remains to be done to protect the innocent.

A - Hey you. I knew you would probably be able to relate to this. I miss the days of old school Tori. I felt such a connection to her that I just don't feel to her new music.