My mom is an amazing woman.

I talked to my mom on the phone today and found out that she had to put yet another of our sweet family kitties to sleep, only two weeks after putting his brother to sleep as well.

I hate that my mom has to be alone and deal with making these tough choices for our family pets, and I hate even more that I could hear the utter sadness in her voice today. She has two cats left, which is great, but she has had to make entirely too many hard choices in the years that I've been away. I wish I could be there to shoulder some of the sorrow.

She is flying out on Friday and should be here for a little while, and I am really happy she's coming. I can't wait to see her. I feel really lucky that she'll be here for Charlie's birth (assuming I don't go into labor before then). She'll also be here for my 30th birthday - it has been years since we've been together for either one of our birthdays.

Sometimes I feel really torn about living so far away from my mom. Even though I grew up in Texas, I prefer California, and it is not always easy to be so far away, no matter what the best thing for me is. Now that we are bringing a little person into the picture, I feel even more divided, because I want him to know my side of the family as well as he will know Roy's side.

I wish we could be in both places. I wish I could be there for my mom when things like this happen. I wish I knew what will happen when (God forbid) my mom won't be able to care for herself anymore - not to mention my dad.

My greatest hope is that someday I will be able to be as strong for her as she has always been for me. We don't always see eye to eye, but I could not have asked for a better mother.