March 14, 2009
Four years ago, Roy and I went out on our very first date.
By the time we met, unrequited love and I were really good friends. As a result, I was a cynic. I didn't believe in "the one." I didn't believe that I would ever get married because I didn't see myself as the marrying kind. And I sure as hell didn't think that anyone would ever really love me the way I really needed to be loved.
I had my heart locked up in a small metal box. I didn't think I knew how to love unconditionally. I didn't think I knew how to love at all. I thought I would always be alone, no matter who I was with. To me, love meant limits and walls. It wasn't a beautiful thing - no, to me, love was dangerous.
Imagine my surprise when this unassuming young guy with striking blue eyes took me out on the most awesome first date ever and actually called me the next day. Imagine my delight when he did indeed call me the day after we first had sex. Imagine my joy when he told me three short weeks after our first date that he was falling in love with me. Imagine my shock when I realized that I felt the same way with absolutely no reservations - and it felt completely safe.
Our relationship has not been anything close to resembling a fairy tale. And neither was our first date. When he took me out that first time, he didn't bother to clean out his car, he wore some ratty jeans and a T-shirt, and he ran out of money. He made no effort to be anyone other than himself. I loved that about him - I still love that about him. I think he's amazing. I think he's real. I think he's made me a better person. I think that he's my best friend and the only man I've ever been with who has ever really loved me. I think that he's the only man I've ever been with who I've been able to love without reservation.
In all honesty, I think he's absolutely perfect. And I think I knew it four years ago when we went out on our first date and I got drunk on apple martinis while playing pool. I'm so glad he called me on March 11, 2005, and asked me out. That phone call changed my life.
Here are ten things that I love about my Roylet:
1) He gives me permission to feel what I feel. If he catches me apologizing for or questioning my emotions, he always tells me that it's okay to feel the way I do. I have never had a single significant other who was able to do this for me.
2) He's flippin' adorable. Seriously, it does not get any cuter than Roy. It just can't. The world would be in serious trouble if it had more cuteness to reckon with.
3) He tells me he loves me all the time.
4) We don't fight (in the normal sense of the word, anyway). We get irritated with each other every now and then, of course, but our "fights" get solved so quickly that they don't even really feel painful most of the time.
5) He wants to make me happy.
6) He is going to be a wonderful father. I have seen this quality in him since the very beginning, and I have always known that his children are the ones that I want to have. I know he's scared of screwing up, but I also know that he's going to be absolutely amazing as a dad.
7) He keeps me interested. I have to admit that I have always had a wandering eye and a mind that goes off to really kinky places that don't necessarily involve the person I'm with - if you couple this with my genuine curiosity and my own pathologies and dysfunctions, I have not always been on the straight and narrow path in my past relationships. But Roy is able to keep me so emotionally secure and protected that everyone else in the world simply pales in comparison. (And I'm sure that the fact that I am much more mature than I used to be is also a factor in this as well.)
8) We are fully honest with each other. This is something I had never experienced in a relationship before. It's very freeing to know that I can tell him any damn thing and know that he will still love me.
9) He's affectionate. He hugs me, holds me, and gives me kisses. He does things to make me laugh. He doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning because he wants to be with me (and vice versa).
10) He has really challenged my assumptions about people and especially men. Roy has renewed my faith in humanity. He is just such a good person that being with him makes me want to be a better person. I am so honored to be his wife.
The four years that we've been together have undoubtedly been the best of my life. I'm looking forward to a whole lifetime of happiness with the cutest husband ever.
Happy Date-iversary, behbehs!