March 21, 2009

It's time to start.

I've been absolutely itching lately to get started. I'm not sure what I want to start, only that I want to start. That I need to start. There's something I'm not doing that needs to be done. What is it?


I'm ready to move past my own mediocrity. I've produced and produced and produced, but hardly any of it has been worthwhile. It needs to be better. It can be better.


I make lists. The lists make me feel better. The lists make me feel like I have a purpose. The lists make me feel like I have done a good day's work if I cross everything off. But what happens when you forget to put the most important thing on your list?


I like to pretend that I contain wisdoms and truths, but then I end up looking elsewhere for both. Is it really a matter of trusting what's within?


I like life a lot better when there's less pressure. But without the pressure, I don't rise. I just deflate. How does one learn to thrive without that constant weight?


It's the first day of spring. New beginnings. Spring cleaning. Big things are just around the corner, this much I'm sure of.


I started writing again. And by writing, I mean I creaked open the door of our filing cabinet, dug through a pile of writing things, found my process scrapbook that I used during my internship last year, and began physically writing. Pen to paper. I thought that blogging was enough, but no, I was wrong. It's not enough. I need something more intimate and tangible.

And now I have it. Again.


phairhead said...

i know what you mean about blogging not being enough. somehow the spring has brought about the creative bug

Lydia said...

pen to paper...three pages a day at me. when i don't write--and actually WRITE!--every day, i can tell. i'm grumpy, blocked, not good. spring has sprung and we all need to take advantage of it!

amber said...

writing has never been something i've done, except when required in school, but it sounds like it's such a large part of you. and for that reason, i think it's great that you are getting back to it, in its original pen and paper form. i hope it brings you a sense of peace and feeling like you can tackle the world.