I had no idea that friendship was weighing so heavily on my mind until last night during dinner. What started off as an off-the-cuff comment about friendship ended up being a pretty lengthy discussion with Roy.
I have to wonder about friendship sometimes. It seems more often than not to be a product of convenience. You make friends with people you go to school with or work with or whatever, and then circumstances change, and it seems that many friendships seem to kind of fizzle out.
That's been my experience, anyway. I have very few friends who have stuck around for the long haul.
As much as I wanted to delete my MySpace and facebook accounts, I was also kind of reluctant to do so. So many people only communicate with me via those sites (which is weird to me), and so deleting my accounts seemed very final to me, in a way. But I did it anyway, for reasons I already talked about.
It makes me wonder if these friendships tend to fizzle out because the mode of interaction isn't equally effective for both sides. For me, I love communicating through email, especially during work hours or when talking with someone long-distance. (Of course, email is second to talking in person.) But several friends I have (who are even in different time zones) just don't use email that much - or perhaps they just don't email me that much. However, they are/were great about leaving comments on MySpace or sending messages through MySpace, and that never really worked for me. I'm sure we could talk on the phone, but no one seems to be a big phone person anymore. It seems that I talk to voice mail so much more than I talk to an actual person on the phone. Thus there is this breakdown in communication, and it honestly feels that no one is to blame.
But still, it's sad. It's sad that friendships have to change. Someone that I used to talk to and see every day now has to be pestered to no end to have dinner with me once every six months. While I know she's busy (as am I), I also know that we only have the time if we make the time.
It feels like several of my friendships are in the process of changing, and that is never really easy to deal with, especially when the changes are unwanted. But I'm not sure what I expected. I've been in the middle of a big, huge, gigantic change since September, and things are only going to change more. It's only natural that it would affect my relationships.
Obviously, this is really bothering me since I'm up at 4:45 writing about it.