Help, I'm Turning into My Husband!

Today I realized (once again) that I am no longer the old me that I was before planning my wedding. I used to be this "together" person. There was a method to my madness. I made detailed plans about the order in which I was going to read all my unread books. I organized my email into folders and subfolders. I organized my pictures the same way. I paid bills way ahead of time (assuming the money was available). I wrote papers for school well in advance and worked on about 10 different drafts before turning them in. I used bookmarks and was kind of horrified about using something other than a bookmark to mark my place in a book. I didn't let dishes pile up. I wrote down every daily activity in my day planner. I was an awesome student and employee. I was completely in control. The chaos was organized.

My downfall began last year when I planned the wedding, continued with my grad classes, and worked full time. My brain was so full of flowers and colors and music choices and wedding dresses that everything else suffered. There were nights when we went without eating because we were both too tired to cook a damn thing. I made late payments on bills because I forgot to pay them. I would put together a weak draft of a paper the day the final paper was due. I used a receipt as a bookmark (gasp!). My computer was full of random things that needed to be filed and put away in their proper folders. All of these things were unheard of for me. I wrote them off as characteristics of my bride brain.

Today my wife brain is still controlling me instead of my controlling it. The chaos is out of control, and as a result, I feel less centered knowing there are so many things to be done. What is so silly is that none of these things that I really stress about not doing are all that important. Evenutally they'll get done.

Today I realized that it's not wife brain I have. It's husband brain. I'm turning into Roy. We had a wedding reception to attend this afternoon, and I hadn't checked the invitation to confirm the time or bought a gift for the bride and groom. I was relying on my (failing) memory that the reception started at 4:00 PM. Around 11:30, Roy told me that it started at 1:00 PM. We were 2 hours late because we had to drive an hour and a half to LA to get there. I'm never late. But lately, I'm always late. I guess this is the new me.

I don't know how to feel about this sometimes. Roy is the one who isn't a control freak, who will go for days without noticing anything wrong around the house, etc. And now I'm the same way. For so long I have been organizing my books, filing things, and using bookmarks that I don't know how to let the madness just be. I don't know how to not use a bookmark.

I feel deliciously and oddly free.

I Left My Heart in Portland.

I am absolutely dying to get out of Southern California and move to or near Portland, Oregon. We went there for our honeymoon, and I just felt like I (we) belonged there. It is filled with so much beautiful greenery and has an amazing amount of culture. There are so many cool places to go, especially Powell's. Powell's is a 4-story bookstore that covers an entire city block. We spent a lot of time (and money) there, which was quite fitting for us.

I found out that Portland is having their annual literary festival called Wordstock during the second weekend of November. I so wish we could go, because it sounds like an absolute blast. I really want a Red Book, because I am just so interested to know what's inside. Alas, I think you actually have to be in the vicinity of Portland to find one. I like the idea of just finding this treasure...or the treasure finding you.

I am a little sad that we won't be able to attend this event. But in about 2 years we might be able to - if everything goes as planned.

Here are some photos of the Portland area. It is a crazy beautiful place. I am excited to call it my future home.

Uncentered

I'm exhausted.

Around this time every quarter, I am feeling completely depleted. It's the end of week 6, so I only have 4 more weeks of class left (not including finals week). My class is not all that demanding, and I have enjoyed it so far. The class focuses on Eco-Poetics, which basically means we're studying different types of nature poems. My professor even had us each write a nature poem. I am not good at writing poetry on command - I usually wait until I'm inspired. But here's what I wrote:


The Center of the Tree

The tree stands solidly,
almost alone,
its center carved out and empty.
No one knows
about this hollow place.

The tree tells a story
about a door
to a garden
of forgotten mythos.

The life beyond this door
once sparkled,
untainted and unrequited.

And fires and wars and genocide
swept across the land.
And the center became
uncentered.
Time trickled on,
resilient.


So there it is, my poem-on-command. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I haven't had enough time to make up my mind. I don't think it's total crap, but I also am not sure exactly what I was trying to say. I have glimmers, but for the most part I just pounded it out.

Soon I'm going to have to begin my final paper, which always takes a lot out of me. I'm going to be writing on Ted Hughes' Crow, which is one of my favorite collections of poetry ever. I always jump at the chance to write on a new topic or literary work instead of trying to revise an old paper.

Also, I started rereading the series on which I'm writing my thesis, which is Neil Gaiman's The Sandman. I finished the first book and made a ton of notes in the process. Now I'm on the second book. I plan to have all 11 of them finished before school starts up again in January, because I'm going to take Thesis Planning.

I truly love being a student, but I am really burned out at this point. However, I'm pressing on because I am so close to being done. Wish me luck.

A Very Halloween-y Post

I love Halloween, but it seems like I always have something going on that day. This year it's both work and school, although to her credit, my professor is letting us out an hour or so early. Here's my homage to the spirit of the day. No pun intended, of course.

I monsterized my name! You too can monsterize yours!



Zombie Photoshopping Contest



Deadly Cute Photoshopping Contest



And just because Roy's aunt is getting married today....



And lastly, words cannot express how much I love this video. What's not to love about a bunch of inmates performing "Thriller"? (One can't help but wonder what the recidivism rate in the Phillippines is after viewing this video.)



Happy Halloween to all!

NaBloPoMo

Try saying that 3 times fast!

So I've decided to attempt to participate in National Blog Posting Month, which basically means that I'm going to blog every day for the month of November. Thanks to Nanette for bringing this phenomenon to my attention. It'll be interesting to see if I'm up to the challenge.

The truth is, I'm blog-obsessed. I read blogs when I wake up in the morning and pretty much all day at work. (Don't tell my boss! Oh fuck it, he probably already knows.) Not only do I love reading them, I love writing in (on?) mine. It has made writing come alive for me again. Because of all the blogs I read, I am constantly inspired. And for a burned out student and underutilized employee, that means a lot.

So, who's going to join me? Who's coming with me? (I feel like Jerry Maguire when he lost his job.)

How scary is it that I just associated myself with a character played by Tom Cruise? Chills.

Do the iPod Shuffle

I got this from happy:blissful!, which is one of the coolest blogs I have come across in quite some time.

Here's how it goes. Put your iPod on shuffle mode and list the first 10 songs that come up, with a little something about each song. No skipping songs! (In case you're wondering, the picture on the right is a third generation iPod, which is the one I have. I actually had something before the majority of the population had it. This will probably be the only time that happens.)

Here are mine:

1) "Like a Prayer" - Madonna. I am not a huge Madonna fan. I listen to some of her music casually. This began in high school and not a moment before (although I was familiar with her songs before then because she was so popular). My friend Katie gave me my formal introduction to Madonna when Erotica came out, and I later used BMG Music Service to obtain Madonna's The Immaculate Collection. Speaking of, I can't believe BMG is still in business! I wonder if their collection agency is still after me....

2) "Triad" - Tool. This song reminds me of being in some kind of machine shop. As a matter of fact, when I hear it, I think of the movie The Machinist. I highly recommend that movie, by the way, but I don't think it's for everyone.

3) "You Trip Me Up" - The Jesus and Mary Chain. You know how you'll buy an album off iTunes sometimes because it's cheaper than just getting all the songs you want? Well, that's definitely the case with this song, because I don't really like it all that much - I just wanted all the other songs that came with it on 21 Singles. It just sounds screechy to me, and it definitely reminds me that it's time to go through my iPod and do some weeding.

4) "Help Myself" (live) - Dave Matthews Band. Oh, how I love DMB. Oh, how this song pales in comparison to some of their other songs. However, the album this song is on (The Central Park Concert) reminds me of the time when my ex and I first split up a few years ago. In anticipation of moving out, I put a ton of his CDs onto my iPod, and this was one of them. I listened to portions of this album quite a bit while I was moving out and during Christmas that year (which immediately followed).

5) "Hell is Chrome" - Wilco. This song came to me by way of my friend Christian, who moved to Seattle in August. He let me copy several of his CDs before he left, and A Ghost is Born was one of them. Listening to this, I feel like I should be in a blues bar, chain smoking and drinking gin and tonics. Oh, and I absolutely love the title. Every song should have a kick-ass title.

6) "Wasted" - Mazzy Star. Yet another song from my high school days. This is a good song for a striptease/sex scene in some black and white filmnoir-type film. And it's definitely a far cry from the intoxicating "Fade into You" that I (and probably so many more) used to listen to as a teen in my bedroom with all the lights out. Mazzy Star is teenage angst at its finest.

7) "Tell Me I Was Dreaming" - Travis Tritt. I'm not a big country fan, but this is a song that has so much sentimental value to me that I can't bear to part with it (plus, it's not bad as far as country music goes). When I was 15, an upperclassman at my high school died. His name was Jeff. I was just another girl in the hallway to him, but I always recognized him and knew who he was. Even though we'd never been introduced, I went to his funeral with my friends Katie (who I mentioned before) and her sister Bonnie. This song was played there. It was his favorite, and it was eerie how well it described the feelings of loss that we all felt at that time.

8) "Not Too Late" - Norah Jones. I am not a big fan of Norah Jones' newest album, Not Too Late. I think most of the lyrics suck. This song is simple and pretty though. It's a good heartbreak, unrequited-love song. Those are always good, because there is always something to relate to. The lyrics aren't stellar, but they're not painful to listen to either.

9) "Be Aggressive" - Faith No More. First off, Faith No More will always remind me of the girl who sat in front of me in my sixth grade Social Studies class. She wore Faith No More T-shirts quite often, and back then, I couldn't figure out what it meant. I, being the dork that I was (and still am), didn't know Faith No More was a band. Fast forward to high school (why do so many of these songs reflect back to high school?) and I really got into Faith No More's albums Angel Dust and Introduce Yourself. "Be Aggressive" is one of my favorite FNM songs because it just rocks. Plus, it's so surreal to hear a funeral-like pipe organ-type thing combined with some wacky cheerleaders screaming, "Be Aggressive! B-E Aggressive..."

10) "Devil Got My Woman" - Skip James. I seriously have no clue how this song got on my iPod. It's a blues song and feels like it should be playing over some movie montage about drug addicts. That's about all I can say.

Whew! That was fun. I'm surprised that none of my guilty pleasures came up. I have my fair share that include Vanilla Ice, Milli Vanilli, Another Bad Creation, Bell Biv Devoe, Sir Mixalot, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, and so on.

Oh, and here's the website where you can go download Radiohead's new album for free.

Condom Song

There's nothing like a little safe sex demonstration. Thanks to Boing Boing for bringing my attention to it.



Love it.