100 Days

Today marks 100 days until my due date on May 29.

I very clearly remember when I reached the "100 days until my wedding" point - after that, time absolutely screamed by at the speed of light, and the next thing I knew, I was an old married hag. It's like I blinked and was married.

I know it's going to be the same way with having a baby. And just as it was when I was planning my wedding, my list of things to do is long. There are some big decisions that remain to be made (such as choosing a pediatrician, examining the pros and cons of circumcision, and figuring out what kind of childcare we're going to need). There are childbirth and breastfeeding classes to attend. There are books that remain to be read. There's a birth plan to write, a room to be painted and fixed up, showers to attend, and babyproofing to be done. Oh, and I'm also supposed to continue to work full time, work towards finishing my MA, and do things like eat, sleep, and breathe.

I have a million emotions about entering this last phase of my pregnancy. One of them is disbelief - I still cannot believe that we will have a baby at the end of this. Even though I know he's in there, sometimes it still just doesn't feel real to me. Can this really be happening to me? After almost thirty years of living and learning, can it be that I'm really going to be a mother? I have a really hard time wrapping my mind around this sometimes.

Things are going to change forever in 100 days, give or take a few. Things just won't be the same. And I'm okay with it. And I'm scared about that. But no matter what gets done and what's left undone, we're doing this.

We're having a baby.