The conclusion that I have come to is that I am unfinished. My life is a big goldfish bowl of chaos. Inevitably, I've been feeling trapped.
So the other day we escaped. We piled the boys into the stroller and walked around the neighborhood. Being outside in the world with the sunlight and the trees and the sky and my camera there to capture it all made my heart feel like it was going to explode with happiness. We talked. The boys looked around. Charlie wore his sock monkey hat, and Simon cooed. We returned home feeling untrapped.
And then last night after the boys had settled to sleep, we stood together in the kitchen and talked. And we've got a plan to make things better. It involves some chasing, but mostly just some slow-and-steadiness. And a whole lot of discipline, which is where I usually fall short. But I'm excited.
And part of the plan? I'm going back to school. It's time for me to finish my Master's degree. And I actually believe that I'm going to do it. I'll need lots of walks to help keep me centered, though.