June 9, 2011


You know what I'm tired of? Captions of pictures that say things like this: "Please excuse my messy house!" or "Sorry, I look like shit in this picture." I've written plenty of explanations like that myself, even said things like this when people come over or something. But today I was wandering around the house looking for my phone and this realization washed over me. I am now 32 years old and I have spent a lot of time in my life apologizing for myself and feeling guilty about my feelings. Not all the time, and I certainly have gotten better about this in recent years, but that tendency still remains.

It's really fucking sad. It's so sad that I actually had to sit down for a minute and let that realization sink into me, the weight of it. Wow. And I don't think I'm alone here. I've noticed a lot of people doing this, and we all have one thing in common. We're women. I don't think I've ever witnessed a man doing this, ever. Have you?

On a related note, here is my kitchen sink right now. I am not going to apologize for the bits of avocado, the yogurt container, the disgusting rag. Nope.

(I suppose I could say something like "Sorry for the crappy cell phone picture!" but I'm done apologizing for the unnecessary.)

This week was supposed to be YAY BIRTHDAY WEEK! Instead it has turned into let's lie around and be crabby week. Charlie's had an off-and-on fever since Monday night and in general just hasn't been himself. So we've been lying around and being crabby. Both of our birthdays came and went without any big fanfare, which is so not what I wanted. I'm one of those bring on the fanfare types.

No fanfare right now. We're all just too tired. I started to feel guilty about the lack of celebration. I mean, Charlie's birthday arrived and we had nothing to give him, no gifts, no special breakfast, no fun outing, nothing except the video I made, which was actually a huge labor of love. But it wasn't as big of a day as I wanted it to be. And that's okay. He's not going to remember it. We'll have our birthday celebration on Sunday and everything will be great. Yeah?

My mom flies in tonight. Charlie's fever has been low-grade all day, a big improvement from the 104 of yesterday. Bring on the fanfare.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! So true! Love it!

(BTW, I am also 32, my feelings of solidarity with you compound....)

I've pretty much come to the same conclusion. And, I dunno, maybe there are women out there that prefer the glossy lie, and don't cringe at the apologies, but I'm not one of them. I read blogs not only to be inspired, but to see others be "real."

And yes, I think it's a woman thing.

P.S. Sorry your boys have been sick so much this year. That sucks.