One year ago exactly was the eve of Roy's official proposal. I did not know then what this proposal and subsequent engagement would do to me and my life. Ever since then, I have become a wedding planning fiend. I have nightmares about guests showing up early and expecting to be entertained right then. I wake up distressing over flowers. I have spent almost a year obsessing over details - from centerpieces to programs to the "problem" of being a bride in glasses.
I have become convinced that the wedding industry is poison that slowly seeps into the veins of the most practical woman and makes her into some sort of monster bride. It certainly has happened to me. I never daydreamed about my wedding, because weddings aren't my thing. Deep down I didn't ever really think I would get married. Once Roy put the ring on my finger, all bets were off. I almost immediately became connected with The Knot, one of the most popular wedding websites around. The Knot has been both a blessing and a curse. I have come to know some fabulous women and have had the opportunity to really personalize my wedding. However, being a member of The Knot has also made me extremely competitive in a way I never was before. I have become obsessed with having the most beautiful wedding, even though I know it's not the wedding that matters. I truly know this. And yet still I plan, and still I obsess. It isn't healthy, but maybe, just maybe, it's necessary.
I think that, as hard as this year has been, I would not have changed a thing. Sure, we could have put a down payment on a house with the money we are using to pay for the wedding, but at the same time, I am walking through this rite of passage the best (and only) way I know how. At the other end of the tunnel will be Roy, my beautiful groom and the love of my life. Beyond the dress, the invitations, the flowers, the music, and the food - beyond all this is love. Love is what has brought us to this point, and love is what will remain long after the flowers have wilted away.