This is always such a bittersweet day for me. It's even more bittersweet this year because I recently got an update on my dad's condition, and he's just not doing well. I'm not surprised at all, but still, it's never easy to hear that his condition is worsening. We really, really, really wanted to send Charlie and me out to Texas to see him before it gets too late in my pregnancy for me to travel. But we aren't doing so well financially right now, so that's not an option. It makes me terribly sad.
Father's Day has always been a reminder of the way things aren't, the way things could have been. I'm not sure I will ever understand why my dad has had to suffer so much. Life is unbearably cruel, I guess. I know that he would have been an excellent father if he'd ever had a fighting chance against his condition. I know that he did his best with what was left. I know that I will always mourn the dad I didn't have but that I will also celebrate the one I do have. He has taught me so much, and I'm not sure if he will ever understand how grateful I am for that or how much I love him.
The good thing about Father's Day? I'm married to a wonderful man who is a fantastic father. I've loved watching Roy grow into fatherhood this past year. I love watching him and Charlie together. I love how I can hear the smile in his voice when we talk about Charlie or the baby. I love how involved he is in parenting.
The other day I caught Roy dancing with Charlie while listening to Belle and Sebastian, and it just took my breath away. I could not stop smiling. I just love how much Roy loves our babies and how that love shows in all the things he does. I am so proud of him - and so honored to be his parenting partner (and wife, of course).
I am so, so lucky. The situation with my dad is always going to hurt - and badly. But I know it's really shaped me as a person and helped me realize that you can't take life for granted, that each moment is something to be grateful for. And so that's why I consider myself lucky. I've learned some hard lessons and dealt with some things I wasn't sure I would ever be able to get through, but life on the whole has been good to me. I have so much love in my life. I'm so honored to spend my days with my husband, who is the best daddy ever, as we raise our TWO boys to be responsible and loving men - who will someday, if they choose, have wonderful little children of their own.
Yes, that's right. TWO little boys. Baby #2 is a boy! A little brother for Charlie!
(A seriously uncooperative little brother! This is probably the best shot the tech could get of him, because he just wouldn't wake up. She lovingly dubbed him Spock. But we like Giggles. And Burt Reynolds. He looks like a Burt, doesn't he?)
Life is good, even when it hurts like hell. I'm so grateful for all the men in my life. Happy, happy Father's Day.