State of the Cervix Address

My fellow people-who-wait:

Last night sucked. I made my new discovery and spent the rest of the night dealing with three overly hyper kitties, in addition to my constant need to go pee. I was seriously grouchy (and exhausted) when I woke up this morning.

When Roy and I got to the doctor's office, we were informed that we didn't have an appointment in the system. Apparently our appointment was for the 4th, but it was written on our reminder card as being on the 2nd. I kept it together, but for a second there I thought I would dissolve into a million anxiety-ridden pieces of Leslie. There was absolutely no way I could wait two more days to find out if I'd progressed at all.

Luckily we were able to get in and be seen by the doctor. I had another internal exam, and this one hurt like a crazy bitch. I swear it felt like my doctor had his entire arm inside me. But I was duly rewarded when he announced that my cervix was actually 1.5 cm dilated! My doctor had already had one of his nurses call down to L&D and see if they could get me in tomorrow to be induced. We found out that yes, I could start the induction process tomorrow if that's what we wanted to do. We also found out that while my cervix was a little more favorable, the progress wasn't optimal and the induction could fail as a result, leaving one of two outcomes:

1) a C-section, which I am not adamantly opposed to but would like to avoid if at all possible
2) sending me home after the failed induction and trying it again another day, which I am adamantly opposed to - I can think of nothing more depressing than being trapped in a hospital bed for 12+ hours pumped full of drugs and then leaving the hospital without Charlie

With this in mind (and since I had made some progress in five days), Roy and I decided that the best thing to do is to wait it out just a little longer and let nature take its course. We will go back in on Friday when I'm 41 weeks, and we'll have the amniotic fluid checked as well as an NST done (not to mention yet another lovely internal exam). All these things will help us develop our final game plan. My hope is still to go into labor on my own, but if that doesn't happen, I am willing to be induced on or after Friday. As of right now, I don't have a good enough reason to justify induction, not even for my own sanity (which seems to lessen with each passing day). But I am okay with being induced after 41 weeks.

After my appointment, I was very emotional and cried quite a bit. While I knew this appointment would be eventful, I wasn't prepared for the emotional implications of having to make this big choice. I kind of wanted to go ahead and be induced because I am ready to get this show on the road. I'm tired of being in Limbo Land, and part of me is tired of being pregnant. But I also didn't want to be induced because of the reasons I listed above - and because I think part of me is not entirely ready to let go of being pregnant just yet. I am so totally ready to meet Charlie, but the future that stretches before me freaks me out a little bit.

I had a massage after my appointment, and it did me a lot of good. I got to relax and then came home and took a quasi-restful nap. I am feeling emotionally okay now. I know that it's only a matter of time before I meet my baby, and in the meantime, I'm going to get some things done and enjoy my last few days of having Charlie inside.

(I will, of course, be giving my cervix hourly pep talks.)