May 13, 2010
We started looking for a new place to live on Easter, having had a serious discussion about our finances and dreams for the future. As I do with every new project, I threw myself into it with gusto. I kept running into scam after scam - it was very frustrating. Finally, after searching for over a month, we were able to finally get to the application process for two different places.
Around the time the applications went through, I started feeling heavy with sadness about leaving our house. Odd, because in the past few months, it's felt like a prison. There are the newish neighbors next door who have SIX yappy dogs that are left outside all day, and it's not uncommon for them to wake Charlie up from at least one nap a day. There's the fact that every room in the house is overflowing with chaos. There's the concrete that serves as our backyard. I couldn't wait to get into a new place and start over.
But you know, this house is our home. We moved here when I was pregnant with Charlie; this was where we brought him when we came home from the hospital; and every room, while overflowing with chaos, is filled to the brim with memories of our life as a family.
Conveniently, around the time my nostalgia set in, our landlord called me and asked if we were planning on moving out. (Naturally, he'd been contacted by those from whom we were trying to rent.) I confirmed our plans to move and our reasons why but told him I'd rather stay since we love the house so much. I asked if we could work something out.
At the end of the day, our rent amount went down by $300, and we agreed to stay. (!!!!!!!!)
The catch? The place is being sold to an investor friend of our landlord's. That process will take a few months, and once it's all said and done, we'll have to renegotiate a new rent amount with the new landlord. So the $300 less per month may not last all that long. But it buys us some time, and that's a good thing. I just hope that we don't have to end up moving when I'm in the third trimester or something. That would really suck balls.
But in the meantime, we're trying to get a handle on all the chaos around here. Our main issue is that it seems like nothing has a place. So we have little piles of crap in each room, and it's maddening. Bit by bit, I've been going through the piles and putting things away and sorting other things into boxes for a yard sale or donating. It feels very Zen to slowly sort and clean and arrange, quite a contrast to the very not-very-purposeful way in which we've been living since Charlie was born.
My dream is to have a clean, simple house. With lots of artwork and pretty things. But no clutter. Some cat hair is inevitable, though.
Last night we celebrated having a little more time in our house by having dinner on our front porch. The weather has been perfect lately, and it was a beautiful evening.
We normally eat at the coffee table after putting Charlie to bed, another bad habit that we've formed in the past year. This was a really nice change. I've come to understand that family dinners are priceless, and we need to make the effort to eat together (with Charlie) more.
I've been feeling really good lately, and I think it's because I'm making an effort to live more consciously. Slowly but surely, I'm purging my life of negative people, negative habits, and negative ways of thinking. I feel....right. Today, at least, I feel sure of my footing - and my path.