Today didn't feel like my last day of being single. I wasn't nearly as rushed as I thought I would be. I had time for a massage, to hang out with my friend Genevee (who I hadn't seen in almost two years), to clean up the house a bit, to finish packing, to get manis and pedis with the gals, and to have dinner out with my family and Roy's. Roy and I exchanged our wedding presents today and will give each other cards tomorrow. He loved the book I made for him, and I really love the crystal bracelet he gave me. I can't wait to wear it tomorrow.
Once I'm done with this blog entry, I'm off to the hotel to check in. I'm a little later than I originally planned. I hope to have some time to myself to think and reflect before all the chaos begins.
I have to say that I'm proud of myself. I've come a long way from last summer, when I constantly beat up on myself for not being a bubbly, happy bride day in and day out. Then I read The Conscious Bride, which really made a difference in how I viewed the wedding process. Once I read it, I decided not to deny myself any of the feelings I was having, even if they were viewed negatively by others. No matter what our fairy tales tell us, preparing for marriage is not simply a happy process. It's a bittersweet and highly complex one. People will let you down. They will disappoint you. They will hurt your feelings. But they will also offer you love and support and guidance. They will surround you in warmth and safety. They are fickle creatures, people are.
Tomorrow is my last day of being a bride. I'm not sure how to feel. Apprehensive, happy, and even a bit sad is a good way to describe it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself once this is all over. I'm not sure who I'm going to become. The scariest thing is that I don't know what the future holds. All I know is that I have a beautiful man to walk the path of life with. What more could I possibly ask for?
But I am happy to announce that after one year and two months of being engaged, I am fully conscious and fully aware and ready to experience the wedding. I am open and ready to take it all in. I am ready to accept Roy as my husband and let him accept me as his wife.