February 23, 2010

A Few Words About Spring

Even though the groundhog saw his shadow, there are definite signs that spring is on its way. And I couldn't be happier. I normally love Southern California winters, but this one has been hard. I'm ready for a change. I'm craving sunshine and warmth. Not too much warmth, but just enough to drive the darkness out of my heart.

How's that for dramatic?

Lots of yellow flowers have popped up all over my neighborhood within the last week or so. They make me smile. I've always loved flowers and springtime. When I was little, I used to pick flowers for my mom. We had a big field where wildflowers would grow, and it made me so happy to bring a big bunch of them home to her. That field of flowers is one of my happiest childhood memories.

When we were in Texas for Christmas, I went through my mom's photos for the eleventy-billionth time. Instead of leaving them behind, I brought them back with me to scan so I can have access to them, too. But that is a big, huge, emotional project to take on right now. So many of them are from happier, simpler times.

Like these.

I'm sure you can guess that the little blondie is me, and the boy wearing the Superman shirt is my brother. There we are with my mom and dad. Back before my dad got sick and everything changed.

I look at these pictures and I feel like my heart may explode. I can so clearly see what we lost. None of us had any idea what was going to happen. But that's the way life is. It's like Nate told Claire in the finale of Six Feet Under.

You can't take a picture of this; it's already gone.

The flowers are gone, too. They don't grow in that field anymore.


Angie Eats Peace said...

Those are beautiful pictures.

Bluebirdbaby said...

What beautiful photos! I don't know what happened to your father, but I can tell it was quite painful for you. I'm sending peaceful vibes your way. xoxo

Bex said...

What beautiful pictures.

Loriann Macko said...

my heart aches looking at these pictures and reading your words...so sorry for this sadness...definitely were beautiful moments that you experienced with your family...

alejna said...

I love those photos.

I hope you get your adequate amounts of sunshine and warmth soon. And that you find a new field of flowers to make memories in.

amber said...

I love seeing these photos. I'm sorry that the memories they bring back are bittersweet. :(