February 25, 2010
Today when I woke up, I was so tired that the world didn't even feel real.
I thought for sure that today was going to be a repeat of last Thursday, and I didn't want that, so I made it my goal to make things different.
And I did.
We made it to baby storytime.
We went out to lunch.
We went to the park with Becki and Luke.
I got Charlie home just in time for his afternoon nap.
He was asleep when I put him down, but he sure didn't stay that way.
It was about that time when I realized that I hadn't seen Mao in awhile.
So I went on a search while Charlie rolled around restlessly in his crib.
Charlie's uncle Paul even came over to help.
We searched every nook and cranny inside and outside.
I thought for sure that she had gotten out of the house on accident and that we wouldn't ever see her again.
But just as we were getting Charlie ready to go for a search around the neighborhood, Paul spotted Mao slouching around in the hallway.
I still have no idea where she was that whole time.
I'm just so grateful she's still around.
That was our cue to run to the grocery store and get a few things.
On the way home, Charlie finally fell asleep.
He'd been up for about eight hours straight at that point.
He's a good kid, but damn, he can be stubborn.
So I put him to bed at 6:00 PM.
I've been unwinding ever since.
Today was good, despite the Mao scare and Charlie's lack of an afternoon nap.
I'm glad for the good days.
I'm scared for the bad ones.
I'm learning what to do when I feel the darkness begin to smother me.
But I will never for a second believe that I have control over this thing.
I do think that I will gain the upper hand in time, though.
First, I need sleep.
Because I'm still so tired that the world doesn't even come close to feeling real.