March 1, 2010

In like a lion...

This is my formal request to March to be nice to me. Or else I might get all evil and stuff.

*shakes fist at March*

Today was totally awesome until the end of the day when I collapsed into snivels and sobs on the way home from the park. Why that happened, I have no idea, or actually, wait, I do. And that's why I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow, to confirm what I know is true, because once I get the confirmation, then we can start to fight this thing.

I know that I am depressed.

Not like OMGImissedtheNordstromsaleIamsodepressed depressed. No, this is the real deal. And it sucks. It sucks so bad.

I have a feeling that my blog's going to be kind of one-note for awhile as I muck my way through this. Or maybe no-note if I should decide to keep the inevitable meltdowns and breakdowns to myself. This depression stuff's not pretty. So if you want to read about unicorns, you should probably stop reading my blog.

(I really want this shirt, though.)

That picture's a pretty accurate representation of how I feel every day. Just willing myself to get out of bed to do it all over again. The ceiling is so interesting, and I'd much rather stare at it than think about how much things suck right now.

Sleeping forever sounds pretty good, too.

Not to worry, my friends. I am nowhere near tossing myself off a cliff, nor would I ever put Charlie's life in danger. I am just deeply, darkly, disturbingly drained.

However, I also know I'm on the road to healing. Depression is a complete emotional parasite, but hope is everything. And thankfully I've got tons of that.


Jessica said...

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear this.

I know our situations are very different, but I'm afraid I've been battling depression for awhile now, too.

I feel like your picture every single day.

So, as much as I like unicorns, I'll stick around and be here for your as you deal with this, because I know how much it sucks.

inflammatory writ said...

I'm sorry you're feeling shitty. :( I know all too well how that feels. You'll get through it. It will pass, in time, as much as it doesn't feel that way right now.

cowboybootlady said...

I am so sorry you are feeling like crap. I hope the doctor's visit leads to some relief. Hope is a good thing and it will get better. Big hug.

Lydia said...

I wish you nothing but the best and hope the doctor is able to help.

mj said...

Having been there before myself, I understand how hard it can be to get out of that rut.

Angie Eats Peace said...

I am so glad you are going to the Dr.
I am here for you, my friend.

Myra said...

I feel for you, friend. Please know that I am always available for phone calls, text messages, and random conversations (in a horrible british accent, if preferable).

Kelli said...

I've had a half written blog entry for a few weeks now about my PPD and what I've been struggling with, how far my thoughts/actions went before I got help, etc... and I just can't bring myself to finish it and get it "out there."


Amy said...

I've been there before. I know its not fun. But glad to hear you're getting some help and fighting it. I know its not easy. But I also know you'll get through this. :)

Bex said...

How about black unicorns?
But really, I am so glad you are doing what you need to do. You know I'm here if/when you need someone to talk to. Or walk with :)

sherthebear said...

I am glad you are going to see a dr. You will get through this.

amber said...

I'm really glad you're going to see someone. You know I'll be here - whether you're discussing rainbows and puppydogs or things that are much more dark and disturbing.