July 19, 2009

time keeps on slippin' into the future...

I'm turning into one of those people who never blogs. I used to live on the computer and now I barely have the time to check things out. I wonder why that is. (If I actually used emoticons while blogging, I'd insert a winky one here.)

But really! There are things I want to say. I want to talk about what we did on our anniversary. I want to talk about random outings we've taken. I want to talk about how I'm feeling about motherhood these days. And so on and so forth. (But a lot of these things require me to upload pictures from my cameras and then edit the pictures and blah blah blah. I just can't be bothered right now.)

Charlie is six weeks old tomorrow! Six weeks! Every Monday I look at the clock at random times throughout the day and think, "Hey, this is when (insert event from Charlie's birth day here) was happening." It's hard to believe that it's been a month and a half since my life changed forever. A month and a half really can feel like an eternity, but it can also feel like yesterday. I can't really remember what life was like before Charlie. I have a hard time remembering how I spent my maternity leave before Charlie was born. I seem to remember naps and movies and lots of quiet, but all that feels very vague now. I'm just going to go ahead and blame the sleep deprivation.

Despite said sleep deprivation, I'm starting to feel alive and open to the world in a way I didn't feel before. The things I have always enjoyed (books, movies, music, art, etc) feel infinitely more important to me now. That doesn't mean that I partake in these pleasures more often, only that I enjoy and cherish the time I spend doing them more. Being a mother and having a baby really has added an extra layer of meaning to all things in my life. I see the importance of living well more clearly; I see how time really is not on anyone's side; and I really am feeling the urge to take chances with things instead of playing it safe. I always thought that having a baby would mean that I would lean more towards being secure, and while that is still very much a factor, the stronger pull is toward carpe diem, baby.

I don't know how any of this is going to play out, but there are big decisions to be made involving employment and child care and vocations and the like. The future is definitely forming with each minute that slips past - how's that for deep? I'm going to go ahead and blame my excessive Sunday night introspection on the fact that I'm sitting in a dark room with Charlie while the sounds of rainfall keep playing over and over and over.

Hopefully I'll be back soon with some photos and updates and recaps and more deep thoughts. Until then, have a gander at this photo of me and my Wiggles - this was taken last weekend before an outing to our local art museum (the subject of another phantom blog entry that is begging to be written).

Charlie's shirt says "My First Pooh." What would be really cool is a shirt that says "My First Poo," but that would be such a big fat lie, as Charlie seems to poo like fifty million times a day and has done so since birth - and not always in his diaper.

Oh, and holy shit, would you take a look at the swoop of those bangs! I need a bang trim in the worst way. I've decided to grow out my hair and leave the bangs. It took becoming a father for Roy to actually figure out that he can voice his opinions, and with his new opinionated voice he told me that he liked my hair when it was long. So I'll grow it out for awhile and see how I feel. Truthfully my hair when it's long is a giant pain in the ass, but I do miss the days when I could just throw it in a ponytail and walk out the door. (Only now it would be stumble out the door with heavy-ass car seat and backpack while making sure that none of the cats escape and that I haven't left my keys or cell phone inside.)

I also miss the days when my natural hair color was actually pretty and not as mousy as it is now. I wish it'd just make up its mind already - are you blonde or brown? I've been a blonde my whole life, and I think my hair could still be categorized as being blonde (albeit dark blonde), but it's just so blah on its own. I definitely need to spruce up my roots.

This blog entry has been one long digression.

Have a great week, everyone! I made an actual to-do list for the week, because really, I need to get back to real life and get some things done before everyone thinks that I've died from excessive neon yellow poo inhalation.


Angie Eats Peace said...

Happy 6 weeks to Charlie!

Neon yellow poo? Hawt!

cowboyboot lady said...

Very interesting! You feel the need to take more chances now. Very cool.

I like your hair color. It's definitely still blonde!

What did you do to celebrate your anniversary??